Staring problems in the face.

I use guys as a way to distract myself and bury my problems. Well, the last guy I had around is gone now. Ended it yesterday. Well, I was about to but he got the chance to do it before me.

I just cannot stand that I've had these same problems for years now and I dont even know how to take the first step in the right direction.

I hate the city i live in. I'd actually prefer to move out of state.

I hate my job. I have a bachelors degree that seems useless and have acquired no real work skills the past three years I've been out of college.

And i have no direction on what kind of career I want. I could tell you my interests but none of them really give direction to a realistic career that has a salary I could live off of.

what do I do? I just want to run off and find another guy so i dont have to think of these problems. guys really are my drugs.

Sounds like you're doing some soul-searching about big things...where to make a home, career progression, building a future. These are not going to resolve themselves, as you know from years of being miserable and in the same situation. Distracting yourself with another guy is a lot easier than addressing these questions, that's for sure. I can only tell you what I've tried, and that's through DBT. We do a values and interests inventory and pick a few goals to work toward that will bring meaning to out lives. Then we break those goals down into steps that would be taken to reach the goals, then get to work on the small steps. Sounds really simple, for some people I'm sure it is. But this emptiness you speak of is inherent to BPD, the lack of identity. So we have to work at it hard to fill the void with things that have meaning and value.

Anyway, that's what I would do now. Before DBT, I'd be searching for the next guy-distraction. So don't feel bad that you're looking again for distraction...I've been working at this for more than a year and I still am just starting to identify my values and priorities, so it's really hard to do. Good luck!

I'm currently taking a big step in my life to NOT do this. It is the first time EVER. I have always jumped from relationship to relationship. Right now, I'm SINGLE and living ALONE

It's a big step, and it's not easy. I have to put a lot of effort into not falling into old patterns. I find building positive experiences outside of relationships to be helpful. Something where you can say, "I did that!" It makes me feel more competent and able to stand on my own.