Is sex triggering to you? If so is that part of BPD? *TW*

I hope this is not TMI but today I'm thinking about sex and how its triggering to me. I just started up with a new sexual partner. Its frustrating because sex is sooooo triggering. I can be doing fairly well, be pretty stable in life, then I have sex with a new partner, as adults do, and suddenly I'm triggered. By triggered, I mean, I'm idealizing the person, feeling overly attached, clingy, obsessive, jealous, basically losing my cool.

The sex doesn't even have to be great but just the act of being so close and intimate with someone automatically leads me to idealizing him and wanting to be with him all the time. The guy usually wants more distance. I control myself and don't call or text, but if I had my way we would be in constant contact and together all the time.

Is this a BPD feature? Or is this just a female (Non) feature? Do male BPDs experience this?

I'm so frustrated because I would love to keep my distance and a level head so I can assess men objectively once we begin dating, but we almost always start off having sex on the first date (I know its not good, but alcohol and sex drive get involved), then I'm just triggered and after that he has all the control and I'm just trying to keep my sanity.

Can anyone else relate? Is this related to BPD?

Thank you in advance for answering!

I thought you meant triggering as in traumatic experiences and was preparing to write something along the lines of "no?" But I see what you mean. I suppose it "triggers" the BPD, sort of, because I view sex as a binding contract. And yes, I'm male.

If I like the person then yes, absolutely but not if I barely know them or haven't had time to start liking them.

These days I don't sleep with someone unless I am attracted and I am not often attracted and that makes it even worse because I am half-in by the time the sex comes. RS's bring out the BPD in full crazy-no-way-to-hide-that-shit mode for me although I don't even realise it is happening until the RS goes belly up - which of course they always do.

I went 7 years without sex/RS once just because I couldn't stand the thought of going through all of that again ..

Willow Rosenberg wrote:If I like the person then yes, absolutely but not if I barely know them or haven't had time to start liking them.

These days I don't sleep with someone unless I am attracted and I am not often attracted and that makes it even worse because I am half-in by the time the sex comes. RS's bring out the BPD in full crazy-no-way-to-hide-that-shit mode for me although I don't even realise it is happening until the RS goes belly up - which of course they always do.

I went 7 years without sex/RS once just because I couldn't stand the thought of going through all of that again ..

7 years? Wow...

You sound a lot like me. I really relate to your post.

I don't have sex either unless I've already developed feelings and attraction for the person. Its not easy to come by, not like I can just go out to a bar and find someone.

Sex can turn my interest level from a 3 or 4 to a 10 overnight though. Unless the sex was horrible but that's not usually the case. I tried to abstain but can never abstain for longer than a few months.

The problem comes in because even if the guy was interested in me to begin with, once my interest level skyrockets out of control, then the BPD symptoms are triggered, my paranoid delusions kick in and then my behavior usually sabotoges the relationship before it even gets off the ground. Frustrating to keep going through this pain over and over again...

Rigning...yes, I think that's how I view it too. Once sex has become involved the relationship has taken on unspoken commitments and expectations, etc.... Its no longer just a light, fun flirtation between two people who like each other.

Thank you for the responses.

Willow Rosenberg wrote:RS's bring out the BPD in full crazy-no-way-to-hide-that-shit mode for me

lol I love the way you put this It's the same here.

justagirl00 wrote:The sex doesn't even have to be great but just the act of being so close and intimate with someone automatically leads me to idealizing him and wanting to be with him all the time. The guy usually wants more distance. I control myself and don't call or text, but if I had my way we would be in constant contact and together all the time.

I'm not sure if this is a non feature or strictly BPD related. (Since I have BPD I'm not the best person to ask ) I know for me however, anytime a possible relationship is presented, or I like someone even in the slightest bit I have to struggle VERY VERY hard not to fall into BPD tendencies. As Willow stated, relationships bring it all out into the forefront.

it triggers me because i'm worried about how i do in bed, like am i big enough, is she faking, etc. i get worried and have anxiety problems but i'm mainly over this.

Cheze2 wrote:

Willow Rosenberg wrote:RS's bring out the BPD in full crazy-no-way-to-hide-that-shit mode for me

lol I love the way you put this It's the same here.

justagirl00 wrote:The sex doesn't even have to be great but just the act of being so close and intimate with someone automatically leads me to idealizing him and wanting to be with him all the time. The guy usually wants more distance. I control myself and don't call or text, but if I had my way we would be in constant contact and together all the time.

I'm not sure if this is a non feature or strictly BPD related. (Since I have BPD I'm not the best person to ask ) I know for me however, anytime a possible relationship is presented, or I like someone even in the slightest bit I have to struggle VERY VERY hard not to fall into BPD tendencies. As Willow stated, relationships bring it all out into the forefront.

Thank you for the response Cheze2. YES.....its so true. I can be totally sane and normal when my feelings for someone are neutral. But as soon as there is more feelings involved the BPD tendencies come out and it becomes almost impossible to hide it or control them. I guess its the fear of abandonment being triggered, once we care and have some sort of emotional investment, we start to fear losing the one who has triggered those yummy feelings, I guess.

-- Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:15 pm --

peaklite wrote:it triggers me because i'm worried about how i do in bed, like am i big enough, is she faking, etc. i get worried and have anxiety problems but i'm mainly over this.

Thank you for responding peaklite. Its interesting that men have these insecurities too. I never realized that. I get the same fears...Did he enjoy it? Did he like my body? Did he just want another notch in his belt or does he actually like me....? I guess its comforting to know that some men get similar anxieties.

it sometimes triggers my bordem

Sex and BPD uggh! My issue is promiscuity and I use sex to fill some void (for the brief moment) and then feel shame and the cycle repeats. I'm recovering from the end of a 6 year relationship, so needless to say the abandonment issues are VERY present.

Sex is a major trigger to me and has always been so. Things not in the slightest aided by my partner being frigid. Plus one of my meds is playing havoc with me in that area too. Finally been dumped on the senior psych, yahoo, now more going over the same crap again crap again crap.