WHAT IS NORMAL BEHAVIOUR FOR A BPD??

im just curious as to how I am expected to act..............

ive lived my whole life being told what to, who to be, how to act and basically how a girl is expected to be..........I lived most of my life knowing I didn't fit into the perfect daughter category, I dnt fit into the miss pretty category, basically I haven't found my place any where........Ive failed at everything in my life............since being diagnosed with BPD ive been watching myself........what I eat, what I say, how I react in situations, just everything.......im going out of my mind because everybody else seems crazy and im normal........i feel my anger is right always, me feeling like the world is ending when im sad feels right to me........im just battling with this notion that there is something wrong with me and its something i didn't cause, its something I cant control without help and its something certain events have contributed to it......

im angry that im paying for what my rapists did to me, I hate that just because my mother loved to drink and have many boyfriends and ddnt have time to love me I have to pay for it, why must I be the one walking around with so much baggage because my step mother constantly told me how worthless I am and made me feel so much shame for what was done to me as a child, why do I have to get help for hating my father because he stood by and watched while his wife broke me inside and out.............

why am I sitting here years after all these things have happened still reliving every moment like it was yesterday when all these people have enjoyed their youth, had fun, fallen in love and gotten the best out of life..............they took me away from me and Im paying for it why..........

I don't think there is anything wrong with my anger, rage, my sadness, my pain, my unforgiveness........i do however feel there is something wrong with watching my rapist become a better person, watch my mother demand money from me and tell me that I have to support her, listen to my step mother as she tells me how disappointed she is in me because I failed in school, and pay my father respect when he tells me to get over all that has happened to me........

they need the help, they need the meds, they need the sleepless nights of pain, they need to feel my pain, watch their demons attack them, fail at every turn, be crushed by life and all its unfairness............WHY MUST I CHANGE WHEN THEY MADE ME THIS WAY????????WHY DONT THEY CHANGE TO ACCOMMODATE THE PRODUCT THEY HAVE CREATED.................SOCIETY SHOULD CHANGE FOR ME AND MY BPD SO THEY CAN FIT IN MY LIFE, I SHOULDNT HAVE TO CHANGE FOR SOCIETY SO I CAN FIT INTO IT.............I HATE ALL THESE FEELINGS I CARRY AROUND AND HAVE TO LEARN TO FUNCTION..............HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT WITH MY BPD, SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME BECAUSE I REALLY NEED TO KNOW???

Phume wrote:im just curious as to how I am expected to act.....im going out of my mind because everybody else seems crazy...

You are absolutely right on the money with that statement. There definitely is a lot of crazy stuff going on out there and it is perceived as normal, right, necessary (?) or whatever...right?

I'm so sorry for all you have gone through. While my experiences are different and the methods and people who gave me this pain are different, I relate to all your feelings.

We know we must acclimate to the world, and the world doesn't adjust to us, yet it all feels so unfair. You didn't deserve any of those things and now you get the reward of a lifetime of pain because of the callous behaviors of others. I'm truly sorry.

Thank you for sharing this. I hope you find peace and serenity in the near future.

I think part of it is not calling yourself a BPD. You are a person with BPD. You are not defined by your illness. Your illness is not all of you. I think when people identify too much with their illness they kind of believe they are flawed and that their behavior is expected or always symptomatic. I think realizing that your illness isn't your identity but accepting it as part of who you are is part of getting better.

Everyone is different. Everyone has different lives and different experiences. I can find some commonality with other people with BPD, but our experience with our illness is unique.

There's no handbook. No manual. Despite all the stereotyping that people love to do. You just have to focus on you and what your issues are and how you want to live and what makes you happy. Your illness does play into that but it isn't all of that and figuring it out doesn't create a roadmap to happiness, although I really wish it did.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Please be kind to yourself.

Thank you guys for your replies........this is a first for me, sharing my feelings with ppl...I have alot to learn still about myself and BPD, but I will try to be kind to myself although I dont know how right now....

what is normal behaviour for a human being?
pd's are made up to make monye and condem everyone who's not "the norm"
feels like they are trying to justefy there own norms and values
i don't like ppl for being normal
i lvoe ppl for being diferend
flawed
special
excentric
creative


i got my 1st diagnosis when i was 8 i think and i was thinking i can't sit still i class so i'm crazy?
oh hell no
they are crazy for trying to same me
i'm not crazy i was being a assholle, being a kid , being a boy with to much energy
had i known then what was in those pills i would never have taken them
not saying you can't have problems

life is cause and effect
if you don't like the effect change the cause