Emotionally Attached to Co-worker?

Hello everyone my name is Nick and im new to this forum. Although i havent been diagnosed with Bpd i do have many of the traits belonging to it and have had them for as long as i can remember. Lately ive been stuggling with a severe depression that goes off suddenly and daily (sometimes multiple times a day). The main trigger seems to be my Co-worker. Ive had a strong attraction to her ever since i met her outside of work when i was 15 (now 18) but never acted on those feelings because of an age difference (at the time she was 14). We became friends and she got me a job with the company she works for. (She had it through her parents). Over the years i became close to her family and now they are like one to me. (I dont get much attention from mine). I know for a fact that she used to have feelings for me but i went through a phase when i was idolzing my friend a "cool kid" and started acting like him, thus ruining her feelings for me. I know the relationship would never work because we are too different but i cant seem to stop this attachment with her. I love our friendship but im constantly getting angry or upset because she doesnt feel the same way about me. Its starting to affectme worse because i lost most of my friends in the past year and shes always stuck around (mostly because we work together). How can i cope with this and get to where it isnt affecting me as much any more

I kind of have the same thing going on with a coworker I fell for prior to her getting a job at my company. I made the mistake of trying to pursue her and effed up everything. So now just her being around triggers me. But I got the impression that she didn't reciprocate my feelings, so I just stopped talking to her all together.

Probably not what you want to hear, but that's my advice. If she doesn't feel the same way, you're going to torture yourself remaining in contact with her so long as you have romantic feelings for her.

Ive tried many times but her family is so actively involved with my life that its impossible to not see her. And i cant say anything about it to anyone because itll mess up my situation worse ( they wouldnt take lightly to the fact that ive been so attracted to her for this long without saying anything). And i cant just not be her friend because theyll ask about it and then theyll leave me when i dont tell them.