i think i'm losing it

i dont think i'll ever recover. i dont feel emotions. i just sit on bed and cry all day. i cant get over the abuse i went through as a child. i keep on thinking of a different past n now my head is starting pain.

i cant tell my caretaker of this forum or my bpd or my abusive past. she aint well in with her state of mind(npd). so now i feign that i'm fine in front of her, but i have no energy, no emotion, no passion.

dont know how long i can carry..

I'm so sorry, Jaus. Hugs.

I know how you feel. I feel a lot of pain from my childhood as well. I still cry about it from time to time. And then I hurt because a friend of mine just died and now a family member is on his deathbed, and I feel alone in my grief.

I am here for you. You're not losing it. You're hurting. But you're not alone.

thanks...i'll go to sleep now, my head is hurting...it hurts a lot nowadays

I'm sorry youre feeling so bad lately. It sounds like you are still feeling some emotions, albeit a very sad one.

Is there someone other than your caretaker who you can talk to?

*hugs* Take care of yourself and remember that you can always come here to talk.

Hope that you are feeling better. I know that I personally do not do well with laying in bed a lot. And I firmly believe that you can have hope for a full recovery. .

thanks for replying. this forum has helped me a lot.

I don't think you're losing it...i think when we go through a lot of trauma that comes up it takes a pretty long time to 1 acknowledge it and 2 deal with that...and getting to the other side. There is no deadline...i found it important to deal with the past while ALSO looking to the future and feeling the present. Idk.

often i feel what's the point? why must i even live? what if i never heal? what if i never be happy? or never get over the hope of a different past...i dont want to do social work just to feel good, i tried that but social work is annoying and tiring for me. I dont like doing it.

i am not depressed but this is just tiring.

jaus tail wrote:i dont think i'll ever recover. i dont feel emotions. i just sit on bed and cry all day. i cant get over the abuse i went through as a child. i keep on thinking of a different past n now my head is starting pain.

i cant tell my caretaker of this forum or my bpd or my abusive past. she aint well in with her state of mind(npd). so now i feign that i'm fine in front of her, but i have no energy, no emotion, no passion.

dont know how long i can carry..

I understand where you're coming from, abuse is a terrible, terrible thing! It's usually best for people who have been abused to find someone to talk to about it. You could see a therapist or a psychologist, just someone who will help you overcome problems made by your abuse and hopefully help you move on from the abuse. Seeing your GP about this is probably the best place to start.

I feel like this a lot too. Ummm....i don't have many answers sadly but i can tell you what i do. I found it works a bit if i stop right in the tracks of thinking 'what if i never' and just stay present and redirect my thoughts and actions someplace else. Its a hit or miss, though. I also set a deadline for allowing myself to wallow in it and just be depressed and when the time is up moving to something else - this mostly because the more i stay depressed the more guilty i feel for not doing something ''useful'' so im trying to combine them. Lol.

I don't know how to get rid of the feeling completely so i just HOPE it will not last forever and try not to make myself BELIEVE it will. Probably not helpful but yeah thats just me.