Having a bad day, just want to vent *TW*

So sad and lonely today, missing my ex-boyfriend so much. He called me a week ago just to tell me he is seeing someone. I had been doing great before that. I was so stable, feeling happy, I was being productive, getting a lot done. Since he called me I've been a mess again.

All I want to do is sit home and drink. I can't stop thinking of him. Obsessing why he would call me just to tell me that. Is it even true? I have no way of knowing. He has me blocked on Facebook and I have no way of finding out anything.

It seems like he must be missing me and thinking of me if he would call me just to tell me that. We had no contact for over a month since last time we saw each other. If he was seeing someone wouldn't he be too busy being happy with his new person and not be thinking of me.

I keep trying to remember how unhappy I was with him. So I know I don't want him back and I shouldn't care what he's doing. But then I start idealizing him again and blaming all our relationship problems on me. I start doubting myself and thinking of all the things I did wrong. But most of the problems stemmed from him and he is an abusive person. He date raped me our first date and then emotionally abused me the whole time we dated. I tried to break up with him and he kept begging me to take him back.

That is the part I need to remember. I finally got rid of him. HE is the one hung up on me and who can't get over me, if he is going out of his way to call me like that. When I think of it that way, I feel a lot better.

He's trying to manipulate me to make me miss him and feel jealous. And I'm playing right into it. Its pretty clear that is what is happening when I write it out like this. I just wish he didn't know how to manipulate me so well.

He's torturing me. He did this while we were together too. Constant push-pull, trying to make me jealous, inconsistency, emotional abusiveness. We're not even together anymore and he's still doing it.

Thanks for reading. I just wanted to vent. I was feeling so sad but it made me feel better.

I"m sorry you're having such a rough time of it lately *hugs*

Did you and your bf split on negative terms? Lots of anger? The only reason I could think he would call you up just to say he's seeing someone is to hurt you. Regardless whether its true or not, keep reinforcing your thoughts about not wanting to be with him, how unhappy you were with him, etc. Don't doubt yourself. Try to be strong. It is good that you realize what he is doing, or trying to do to you. Don't let his petty ways get in the way of you being happy. You deserve happiness and it seems you already recognize that you won't find it with him. Can you block his number so he can't call you again? Maybe get rid of it and block him on FB as well.

perhaps this'll help a little
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IDaLHQbxsY
(say it with music)