New Member/First Post

So,

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about joining a forum like this, but I want to give it a try. Over the years (I'm 23 now), I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and several times Borderline Personality Disorder. I haven't met anyone else diagnosed with it and that doesn't help cause I feel like I am all alone. I can't afford going to a doctor who knows a lot about it even though I'm on really good insurance. And I don't know what to do. I feel alone in this. I have been on medication on and off for years. Yes, I know I need to take it consistently, but I either choose not to take it because I feel good for the time or can't afford to get medication. I hate that this is happening because I'm an college educated, employed, self sustaining person and I feel like all I do is fight off the lies FLYING through my head. I don't know how to control them. I don't know how to tell if the medication is helping me or just making me gain weight (which is a whole other problem). I feel like a freak, I feel alone, I feel like this is slowly but surely going to completely engulf me. I feel like I'm going to end up alone and no one understands and I am tired of feeling like this.

talithakoum wrote:So,

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about joining a forum like this, but I want to give it a try. Over the years (I'm 23 now), I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and several times Borderline Personality Disorder. I haven't met anyone else diagnosed with it and that doesn't help cause I feel like I am all alone. I can't afford going to a doctor who knows a lot about it even though I'm on really good insurance. And I don't know what to do. I feel alone in this. I have been on medication on and off for years. Yes, I know I need to take it consistently, but I either choose not to take it because I feel good for the time or can't afford to get medication. I hate that this is happening because I'm an college educated, employed, self sustaining person and I feel like all I do is fight off the lies FLYING through my head. I don't know how to control them. I don't know how to tell if the medication is helping me or just making me gain weight (which is a whole other problem). I feel like a freak, I feel alone, I feel like this is slowly but surely going to completely engulf me. I feel like I'm going to end up alone and no one understands and I am tired of feeling like this.

Hello, new member. I'm new as well - I just joined yesterday, and was just diagnosed as BPD yesterday. I can relate to almost everything you've just said. I've been struggling with these symptoms for years (the depression, anxiety, etc.), can't afford to go to a doctor (my college town has a free psychotherapy clinic, but I graduate in three weeks and will leave it behind). On and off on medication, and I ALWAYS quit taking it because I feel good, because it makes me feel worse, or because I can't afford it or find a ride to the pharmacy. I'm 22 (in three weeks), and I feel all the time like I'm fighting lies, especially concerning the person I really am (a person I don't yet know). Plus, there is nothing as terrifying as the disassociating symptoms. Nothing like feeling like you're not real to make you feel completely alone, am I right?

But I say all of this to tell you that I really understand what you've just said, because I'm there too. You're not alone, and hopefully we can help each other. That's why I joined this forum. So I wouldn't feel alone, and so I could reach out to others who really understand when I do.

Anyway, feel free to PM me if you need to. I'm brand new to the idea of the diagnosis, but not to the symptoms.

Hi,

Im new too. I signed up this morning. I can relate to everything you are going thru but Im 49... At least now you have an idea of what is going on with you. I was recently diagnosed as a high functioning bdp. However that doesn't help my flip outs. I have found education has really held me relate to other people and my diagnosis. Read "Walking on Egg Shells" and the other few books that are out there. They helped my feel connected and not alone. The meds have done nothing but make me stupid, gain weight and sluggish, which makes me angry. lol. Im using mindfulness techniques right now. and really really trying to slow down and watch my stress. These things help me...As of today Im trying forums and trying to find support people to help me stay aware and learn other things that may help stay in control of my invisible rage sneak attacks...lol

(: Welcome newbies! I think I joined last summer.I joined due to my abusive traumatic childhood..depression..anxiety..eating disorder..PTSD..

Im familiar now with many of the mental ilnesses due to this site.I cant say enough about this place.I have never encountered bullying..the moderators are very helpful and kind..alot of the people on here are very supportive and well informed..MANY are very helpful..Some of the forums trigger me..I dont go to them.I feel we always have the option to avoid the forums or subjects that trigger us.I try to be supportive and kind to all...I hope you all find support..answers..and a deeper understanding of yourselves here..Its a rather safe haven where peers help peers.Wishing you all peace..happiness..kindness..and compassion in life..XX

I've read that here in the States, nearly 10% of the population suffers from BPD. So that's like 30 million people? Where in the hell are you all at? lol.

I get it though. We don't wear BPD signs over our heads; many others don't know they have it, or even of the disorder, and meet the necessary criteria for dx. It's also pretty easy to write our behaviour off with derogatory words, which also perpetuates the stigma.

Feeling alone and wanting to interact with other borderlines is why I came here. I meet a lot of people with PDs, and none of them have BPD. However, the idea of two borderlines interacting in proximity of each other is kind of a scary thought for me. If they end up liking each other then, "Awwwww sh*t!" haha!

Anywho, welcome to the forums. You should meet some awesome peeps here.

Hi there,
Welcome to the forum! I hope that you're able to find our little "family" supportive and that you're able to share and relate to others here. We're a good group. If you ever need anything feel free to PM one of the mods here on the forum.

Hey, I'm reasonably new too. I was diagnosed a few months ago and was also looking to talk with people who might understand or that I can relate to. We do have the NHS in the UK, but they won't do anything to help me, so I feel alone and lost most of the time too.

Welcome anyway, hope you find it helpful!

Thank you all for your support and kind words. It means a lot that there are others out there who are kind about it and not rude.