had an anger episode this weekend.

by **Cheebs** » Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:10 pm

on saturdays i usually wait till after 11:30am to eat. i have a weigh in, in the morning so i like to go on an empty stomach, but the meeting isn't until 10:30.

my bf and i had some other errands we needed to run at the same time. so we were late coming back home. it was almot 12:30 and i hadn't had a thing to eat all day. we come upstairs to our apartment, and i realized he has forgotten something in the car. he had already kicked off one shoe so he asks me to go down and get it for him instead.

my anger was instant and raging. i walked out of the apartment and slammed the door. i was spitting fire the entire way down the stairs and the way back up. i was putting him down so much and hating him for it. my mind was racing, "he forgot it, it's his he should get it. i don't want to do this, my foot hurts and i'm hungry," then red red red, it's like that's all my brain feels, red hot anger.

so i go in the kitchen after getting what he forgot, and what i had planned to make is impossible because we're out of milk, so no oatmeal for me. [rationally i could have just used water but i was in anger mode so being rational was not what i was ready to do] i complain that when i want to use things they are gone because my bf or my son have already used it up. everyone else wants me to cook for them because they haven't eaten but they always asking me to cook what they want so i can't ever have what i want. well not this time!

i proclaimed, "I'M MAKING WHAT I WANT FOR BREAKFAST. IF YOU DECIDE YOU DON'T LIKE IT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN BREAKFAST."

no one responded, so i assumed everyone wanted what i was making.

i asked my bf something in regards to how much he wanted of what i was already cooking and he says, "i don't want to inconvenience you further so i will make my own breakfast."

i was ready to snap again, but i breathed deeply and kept my cool, and i said, "i've already started cooking, and i've already started making enough for everyone. if you don't want to inconvenience me you should have said something BEFORE i started cooking."

thankfully he gave in and didn't argue with me about my attitude or my anger. that always just ramps it up more. but he did ask me what i was upset about. usually i would get defensive at this question, but i'm trying to be more mindful and more patient. so i told him, "look, i'm not asking you to understand WHY i'm upset. [because i know it's not rational and it won't make sense to him and it will just upset him because he can't understand] I just need you to recognize that i'm upset, accept it, and give me my space till i'm calm again. like after i eat."

and he did just that, didn't even ask me for clarification.

i ate and i could feel my mood returning to normal. the rest of the day was great.

crisis averted. :whew:

The exact same thing happens when my fiance has left something in the car and wants me to go get it. Usually I end up yelling, slamming the front door and stomp down the stairs to get it while slamming the car door, the front door again, and then stomping off to the bedroom. I have no idea why it makes me so furious.

You did well keeping your cool when you wanted to snap at your boyfriend. It's hard to talk calmly when you're so ready to explode. Being hungry makes everything worse, too.