I don't know what else to do, so...

*Trigger Warning*

Just found out my boyfriend lied to me about something. I left him a voicemail saying that I'm angry because I think he lied to me about something (didn't say what) and to give me a call back. When he calls me back, I'm gonna tell him I "don't wanna talk about it anymore".

I know he lied anyway so what's there to talk about? Of course he's gonna tell me he didn't lie. But it would be his word against EVIDENCE. I'm not being paranoid.

So if I refuse to talk about it and to take back that I'm angry and suspicious of him, that'll make him stew in all the lies he's told me recently and know that I'm holding at least one of them against him. So he can live in anxiety or clear the air by coming clean.

& Yes, there will be other consequences of him lying to me. Nothing violent, of course. But he will learn what it means to lose my trust.

I simply don't know what else to do.

Suggestions are welcome.

Well, I know you think there's nothing to talk about, but if you don't talk about it how does it get resolved? You will just sit there letting resentment brood inside you...how will that help things? I know how you're feeling, I get that way too and just want to cut that person off and shut them out, but it never helps anything. I get over it but it never gets resolved and then it gets to a point where I feel like all these unresolved pent up feelings are going to make me explode into a fit of rage. It really isn't a healthy way to deal with conflict. You've got to communicate if you want to have a hope of relationship longevity.

do you think there's a way you can allow yourself to calm down a little before you talk to him? Tell him you need time to think and then you can talk about it? When you are calmer you will be able to think more rationally and will have a better chance of being able to resolve things, don't you think?

I don't see how talking can possibly resolve things. He lied to me. Again. He isn't gonna say so, apologize, and then make amends. He's just gonna lie. Again. The only options I see are to dump him or make him suffer. There has to be a better solution, but I don't see it.

The right thing to say from a relationship therapist POV would be to talk it out until both of you are bored and fed up with the subject and either decide to let it the ###$ go already or split up over it.

I prefer your solution though.

Ok, but if it can't be resolved and you are certain he will just keep lying then it doesn't sound like there's much of a relationship there. Relationships are built on trust...if you cannot trust him it doesn't sound like he's right for you. What good will making him suffer do? That isn't really a healthy way to resolve problems and it isn't just going to go away. I think you know the answer in your heart...it's just up to you how you choose to deal with it.

Everyone f**king lies. So I should end every relationship I start, then.

The answer my heart provides is to let him stew in it. Dumping him would be like trying to shoot Friday because the sun came up. In other words, killing something for being what it is (dumping someone for doing what EVERYONE does anyway; lies to their partners to save their own asses, regardless of who the f**k over in the process!), only to have to deal with it when the next day (person) comes anyway because it just comes with the f**king territory. The sun WILL come up Saturday, ANYWAY! & Every single day after that!

If I break up with him over this, I will spit - LITERALLY SPIT - in the FACE of ANYONE who DARES to express romantic interest in me from then on.

... My brain isn't working right now. ._.

-- Fri Apr 18, 2014 1:22 pm --

*sighs* I don't know what suggestions I was expecting. It's always "break up or dive nose first into horse sh*t". Nothing against anyone here. Those are simply the only two options when it comes to us filthy humans.

I love how you think

Never mind, everyone!

He called me back, we talked about it, he told me he didn't lie about it, I "believed" him, & now I'm letting it go and moving on with my life.

Thanks, guys!

That's almost disappointing

I'd agree if I didn't know firsthand how bad that could have gotten.