Coming out

Hello Fellows
I am a 22 year old female diagnosed with bpd 2 years ago.
One year previous to diagnosis I got married and had a little girl.
Struggling with recovery basically through my own research the past 2 years
Maybe 15 psychiatrist appt (i was never consistent)
I am now continuing with followups
even tho i don't like the dr my crappy insurance provides.
And just now today for the first time
i have kept up with my prescribed meds for the past month straight.
I have experienced a roller coaster marriage along with every other relationship before
probably like every one of you.
My family, My husbands family and 3 trusted friends
The only ones who've i've been honest with about my diagnosis.
Some people I can wear my 'mask' and others when it slips off
heh. I blame it on a depression disorder.
I am now able to control most impulses but
I have a tendency to kind of obsess about every social circumstance I am involved in
Even ones over the internet. Even this one I have problems with talking to people
But sometimes I over talk like now and when i do I over analyze.
Ok, enough about me lets get to the topic.

I want to post a well written short video of my diagnosis and recovery and kinda the reasoning behind it is i just want people to accept me and the ones who don't accept me I want to give them the option to choose to leave my life. I am not doing this so my friends will let me experience episodes, and dismiss it for a mental disorder. I am doing it because I know on my road to recovery I may accidentally hurt some people or seem too talkative or too pushy maybe too quiet.. OR JUST PLAIN OFF, I want them to know before and afterwards I am truly sorry and every mistake and experience in my life right now is whats changing me to be a better person. I want each and every one of them in my life but not if they do not want to be exposed.. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn the better way to do it next time. At least for me.


Your thinking good for you, right? Where do I apply in this, and why do you want a response from me?
Maybe I don't know, I'm not psychic.

My question is has anyone else ever thought about/actually did come out to everyone in their life or at least the important people? What were your fears or reactions Why did you want to do it to begin with?

My biggest fear is that i am leaving my self vulnerable to our ultimate fear.. abandonment.
I need some feedback and other views before I'm comfortable going on this particular journey.

Thankyou, DarkRainbow.

In response to your question, the important people in my life know about my illnesses or have heard from other family members.

I don't really have a problem telling people about my disorders now. I used to be ashamed and secretive but now I've realised that my illnesses are unfortunately a part of me, they're lifelong and it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for these problems so because of that I now don't really have any problems telling people. Although, I have been told I tell it like a story and like it's not about me, maybe because I've said it outloud to so many people and professionals.

The decision really is down to you, you chose who you tell and how you do it. I think it's a positive step to let people know though as it means you are accepting your condition and coming to terms with it.

I really wish you luck, I'm sure it won't be as scary as you're anticipating.

*Missy* wrote:In response to your question, the important people in my life know about my illnesses or have heard from other family members.

I don't really have a problem telling people about my disorders now. I used to be ashamed and secretive but now I've realised that my illnesses are unfortunately a part of me, they're lifelong and it isn't my fault. I didn't ask for these problems so because of that I now don't really have any problems telling people. Although, I have been told I tell it like a story and like it's not about me, maybe because I've said it outloud to so many people and professionals.

The decision really is down to you, you chose who you tell and how you do it. I think it's a positive step to let people know though as it means you are accepting your condition and coming to terms with it.

I really wish you luck, I'm sure it won't be as scary as you're anticipating.

Thankyou for your inspiration. I also believe telling people is a positive step and I feel doing so is a key to moving past. I respect your courage and I feel more courage to do so especially since you said "my illness is a part of me and they are life long and it isn't your fault." It feels good to not be alone.

I told the people closest to me (my mum, my fiance and a friend) after I got the diagnosis. It was fine, we actually saw a funny side of it because I'd been whining about my fiance's BPD for years and then found out I had the same thing. I also told my lecturers at college since I felt they needed to know, and they were all really supportive. My main fear was being judged, ridiculed or stereotyped I guess, but the worst I experienced was probably my aunt insisting it's just PMS, which was kind of patronising but could've been much worse.

It's definitely a positive step, and for me it was really important for all of these people to know so they can understand and for the same reasons you said. There's some people I'd rather not tell because of the fears I mentioned above, and I don't actively tell everyone, but I don't really mind if most people know now. It is a part of us all and sharing it with people has helped me accept and embrace it (as much as you can embrace something like this, anyway!). If people do want to push us away because of our condition, we're better off without them. Harder said than done to believe but it's true.

Good luck anyway, I hope it goes well and is positive for you too! I think your idea is good if you're comfortable with it, if I ever tell people as a general thing I'll probably do it via a blog post.

Hmmm, this is tough because I want to be supportive but I'm fighting my instinct in order to do so. I guess I'll just do me and if you do you then we can be ourselves together and trust that we both want the same thing, which is a healthier, more accepting and emotionally intelligent world.

Based on my own bias and experience it sounds to me like you want a get out of jail free card. You're afraid that you'll lose control on the recovery process and in that fear you're doing what naturally is a very good strategy; preparing for the worst. You don't want to hurt people but you know that it's a moderately likely probability that someone or other will be hurt by your outbursts or neglect or however your symptoms show up. I think that's commendable, I think it's excellent that you're taking the initiative in minimising the damage that you feel you are capable of. But is that a license to tantrum?

Let's say, for arguments sake, it isn't. That says to me that the people you show this video to are fully understanding, responsible, accepting human beings with grace enough to embrace you, strengths and limitations included, and that you are both self and emotionally aware enough to communicate all that you need them to understand (a rare thing in a person).

Let's say, for arguments sake, it is. That says to me that you're giving these people a video because you're unable to communicate effectively what you want them to understand. Which is the truth; that you have a difficult situation and you're going to be difficult sometimes, as a result.

I guess my point is, I caution you, be sure that when you walk away from your friends and family, after having explicitly gained their acceptance of you, you both understand what you think this means, and what you think they think this means.

Communication is key to any healthy relationship, between any two people, no matter what privileges, handicaps or characteristics they share and don't share, if you can foster a genuine honest way of being, of communicating, then you'll cut a -whole- lot of suffering out of the human equation.

Good luck, and sorry about the downer tone of my message I just can't be bothered rewording in a positive way.

the darkrainbow - I'm really glad what I said helped and inspired you. It is always a hard thing to do but it's usually worth it in the end.

It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my illnesses and realise that it's not my fault and the same goes for you. It's a part of who you are and you didn't cause it or bring it on yourself.

I hope if you do "come out" that it goes well