I wanna know your story (possible tw?)

Raised in a single parent home; the parent being a highly intelligent violent, paranoid schizophrenic that was constantly abusive on all levels, i.e. physical, emotional, financial, cultural, sexual, spiritual, mental, verbal. They were also capable of being coherent, communicative, caring and of showing some forms of 'love.' Extreme mixed messages being the order of the day. One day I'd be beaten for the same thing that drew compliments the day before. The parent also suffered from severe depression, BPD, PTSD and several other disorders. I was only touched to be hit,,,and I was touched a LOT. I remember going to school to be beaten/insulted all day, only to come home to be beaten/insulted for the remainder of the day for being beaten/insulted at school. I also remember as a child hugging trees and metal poles from time to time to feel like I was hugging and receiving love from a living being.

-- Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:33 pm --

I was wondering if there was a thread like this around. I'm new, and was curious about some of the stories as well.

You spelled it out perfectly with the childhood+abuse+trauma=BPD. Actually giggled when I saw it.
Anywho, my father was in and out of my life throughout my entire childhood. When he was in, I was neglected for the most part by him, and he attempted to buy my love with gifts. He left for good when I was a teen, during which I was a cutter, drug abuser, and had lots of risky sex, and this continued into adulthood. He came back into my life 18 years later to tell me he was ill, and shortly after, he was gone for good.

Mom was awesome, but passive. Too passive. But she did take physical punishment a little too far at times. (bruises, cuts, welts, etc, as a result) We have a great relationship now. Cutting stopped around early 20's, and I took up crazy ass explosive relationships with really hot girls instead. I brought along the continued confusion with gender identity, sexual identity, self-identity from my teens and struggled a lot with all of it.

I eventually made it to my 30's and got with the most wonderful girl I have ever met, but it was a long distance relationship. I acquired GAD though after a severe anxiety attack that took me six months to recover from. The relationship lasted three years, but I exhausted her so much emotionally. She was so strong for taking what I did not know was my BPD in full effect at the time. Eventually it became too much, however my time with her suppressed a lot of my symptoms to the point the I really felt both mentally and physically healthy. I kid you not, it was as if she healed me.

My girlfriend after her has BPD as well, but is far less functional than I and needs to be taken care of. BPD rarely comes with one head so she also had something else going on, and she was extremely toxic. Anywho, I won't get into what she did as it is a trigger, but I will say that it devastated me in a manner that caused a lot of emotional trauma. Several months after her abandonment, I just was not recovering, and my symptoms were at the worst they have ever been. I was every bit as bad as my ex and a few people got hurt as a result. It came down to me losing my career, or going to therapy.

I chose the later, and a couple months in, I was diagnosed with BPD.