How to deal with aggressiveness *tw*

It seems that lately I've been dealing with aggressive people (is there a full moon, or something?). The other day, a man had road rage, I happened to be there, and he hurled insults at me. Then, later, on a social network, I got attacked when stating an opinion on a friend's post.

The thing is, I am verrrrrrry sensitive (as we with BPD tend to be) and I have a hard time dealing with situations like this. I feel feel vulnerable and innocent and in response to receiving such treatment, I feel rage, then sadness, then guilt, and then I just want to hide away.

Can anyone relate here? How do you deal with aggressiveness/verbal or online attacks?

I can really relate to you however as I'm new to bpd diagnosis I don't really have advice on healthy coping strategies yet. But I just wanted you to know I feel exactly the same as you.

Crawling wrote:I can really relate to you however as I'm new to bpd diagnosis I don't really have advice on healthy coping strategies yet. But I just wanted you to know I feel exactly the same as you.

Thank you, Crawling, it helps that you understand my feelings, and that I am not alone. *Hugs*

I try to not react in the moment (i know, its hard) and just ask the person what made them so angry if needed. If the other person is aggressive, that says more about them than about you...
In other situations where i cant reason with the person, i just remove myself from the conversation. I still slip tho, especially if i am already feeling anxious. But i think the right decisions add up...feel better soon

I can definitely relate to this. I hate confrontation and arguments but for me it's mainly because I just can't control myself. I get angry and come across as aggressive while inside I don't see it. I think I'm being assertive but the language I use and the way I express myself apparently makes it appear otherwise (this is all coming from my dbt therapist but I do agree with her.) If I KNOW I'm in the right and someone is attacking me I can totally lose it. My emotions just end up all over the place. Some confrontations that have resulted in me being aggressive I feel guilty and worried about what the person/people with think of me (if they're close to me, strangers I couldn't care less) but when I know it's a situation where my emotions are completely valid, I don't feel remorse. I actually feel quite good. Sorry about the rant. Just on the interpersonal effectiveness module of DBT at the moment and your post caught my eye. Sorry I don't lend any ideas in coping with it... I'm pretty new to DBT myself.

Im-pure wrote:I try to not react in the moment (i know, its hard) and just ask the person what made them so angry if needed. If the other person is aggressive, that says more about them than about you...
In other situations where i cant reason with the person, i just remove myself from the conversation. I still slip tho, especially if i am already feeling anxious. But i think the right decisions add up...feel better soon

Thank you so much, your comment is so wise, too. It's best to remove from the conversation, definitely. It is really is so hard to not react in the moment, though, especially when feeling triggered. I was triggered in the moment and I felt like screaming "WHY are you such an $%%^&*&!?!?!?!" lol

Ophelia333 wrote:I can definitely relate to this. I hate confrontation and arguments but for me it's mainly because I just can't control myself. I get angry and come across as aggressive while inside I don't see it. I think I'm being assertive but the language I use and the way I express myself apparently makes it appear otherwise (this is all coming from my dbt therapist but I do agree with her.) If I KNOW I'm in the right and someone is attacking me I can totally lose it. My emotions just end up all over the place. Some confrontations that have resulted in me being aggressive I feel guilty and worried about what the person/people with think of me (if they're close to me, strangers I couldn't care less) but when I know it's a situation where my emotions are completely valid, I don't feel remorse. I actually feel quite good. Sorry about the rant. Just on the interpersonal effectiveness module of DBT at the moment and your post caught my eye. Sorry I don't lend any ideas in coping with it... I'm pretty new to DBT myself.

Thanks so much for sharing this, Ophelia (love your username, BTW... 'fan of the Bard, I take it? )
I can definitely relate to your feelings on the matter. I agree... I am also NOT a confrontational person and I avoid it at all costs. However, when I am triggered, I am an emotional mess. It is hard.
And YES it is so awesome that you allow yourself to feel, and acknowledge that your feelings are valid! I get this from DBT, too. Yay for DBT! lol

AngelTears wrote:Thanks so much for sharing this, Ophelia (love your username, BTW... 'fan of the Bard, I take it? )
I can definitely relate to your feelings on the matter. I agree... I am also NOT a confrontational person and I avoid it at all costs. However, when I am triggered, I am an emotional mess. It is hard.
And YES it is so awesome that you allow yourself to feel, and acknowledge that your feelings are valid! I get this from DBT, too. Yay for DBT! lol

Yep, it's that damn triggering again! Are you finding DBT helpful? I'm only on the first module at the moment but I'm looking forward to Emotional Regulation. I really, REALLY struggle with that (as I guess all BPD's do!) and I think once I've attempted to tackle that I'll find a lot of my other issues a bit easier (confrontation and aggression for example.) Fingers crossed anyway!

Ophelia333 wrote:Yep, it's that damn triggering again! Are you finding DBT helpful? I'm only on the first module at the moment but I'm looking forward to Emotional Regulation. I really, REALLY struggle with that (as I guess all BPD's do!) and I think once I've attempted to tackle that I'll find a lot of my other issues a bit easier (confrontation and aggression for example.) Fingers crossed anyway!

Yes, I find it amazingly helpful but man, it's been a ride. I totally understand your struggle. It's been that way for me, too, but you'll see positive results. I've been in DBT since last fall and have shown a lot of improvement since. Hang in there, you'll regress at times, but it does get better.

Thanks for the words of support I'm the newest (and youngest) member and all the other people in the group have been there a year minimum and have been so lovely and supportive. They keep reassuring me that it's the only therapy that's ever helped them and that things have gotten better for them so I'm hanging on in there! Good luck with yours Keep me posted on how it's going if you like