Explaining whats happening in your mind

Hi
Ive have a partner who has never had a mental issue at all. I cannot find words to explain what is going on in my mind. Anyone else managed to explain BPD?

I find that words can't describe it to the full extent. My friends and I recently went to see a play that was about someone who is diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and that was the first that they were really able to "see" what it was like. They were all in shock, even though they have known for a long time that I have had this diagnosis. Never mind adding the BPD stuff on top of it.

I do not suffer from BPD, though of course I have my own issues. I was with a woman who does for a number of years. I had never heard of BPD until after we split up a year ago. That was when her therapist informed me about it.

I read a number of books on the subject and thought I had a good grasp on it, but it was not until I found this site and started reading that I was able to really understand. It has been like the scene from the Matrix where his eyes are opened and he sees the world for what it is.

As a non, trying to explain what is happening in your mind may be futile. It is only when those around you dig into BPD with a genuine interest in understanding that clarity can be reached.

My exgf I believe tried a few times to explain things to me and I tried to understand but could not.

Thank you all for sharing and giving me insight.

Most of the time, I feel great.

But, sometimes I get anxious or phobic. That's not the worst part, though. When I am having a "borderline freak out" I feel extremely sad and in pain. It is in these moments, usually after being triggered, that I have self-harmed. I just think of myself as a normal person, but when I hurt, I feel like I hurt more than the average person. Definitely hard to explain.

emotionaholic wrote:I do not suffer from BPD, though of course I have my own issues. I was with a woman who does for a number of years. I had never heard of BPD until after we split up a year ago. That was when her therapist informed me about it.

I read a number of books on the subject and thought I had a good grasp on it, but it was not until I found this site and started reading that I was able to really understand. It has been like the scene from the Matrix where his eyes are opened and he sees the world for what it is.

As a non, trying to explain what is happening in your mind may be futile. It is only when those around you dig into BPD with a genuine interest in understanding that clarity can be reached.

My exgf I believe tried a few times to explain things to me and I tried to understand but could not.

Thank you all for sharing and giving me insight.

This is so touching. It is great to know there are partners out there who care enough to look into it. How did finding out after it was done make you feel? Did it help, or...?

Ya it's extremely difficult to explain. There's just so many factors to BPD. It's not as simple to describe as anxiety or depression. Reading through this forum is definitely a great way to learn if a person does not have BPD or is has been recently diagnosed. I was diagnosed about 13 years ago and eventhough that was awhile ago, I still find it helpful to read posts on here. Sometimes I experience things I am not sure if I have experienced before and need to see if anyone else has. Or have questions that no doctor, therapist, or book can answer. There's no better place to look for answers than on here!

I also find it really hard. It's hard to explain the feeling of distress that comes with it. For me, it's not really anxiety as in like a racing heart/panic kind of way. It is just an overwhelming distress where no matter how hard you try, you just can't shift the unpleasant thoughts. I find I can't concentrate on anything else. For me, when I'm under stress, I can't make sense of my thoughts, I don't trust anyone and it's impossible to communicate what is going on.

I find too, with the idea of abandonment/attachment kind of issues, that nobody gets it. It's something that is just innate. When you try to explain to someone that you can appear to be close, but you are really completely detached, they just don't get it.

The psychologist I see actually told me not to bother telling anyone about my BPD diagnosis. Not just because of stigma reasons, but he said that no one would get it. For me, that is right. I've tried and no one gets it. I've even found that psychologists don't really get it a lot of the time. I generally present well on the outside, so it's to be expected, but I think in general it is really hard to explain to other people what it is like.

emotionaholic wrote:
I do not suffer from BPD, though of course I have my own issues. I was with a woman who does for a number of years. I had never heard of BPD until after we split up a year ago. That was when her therapist informed me about it.

I read a number of books on the subject and thought I had a good grasp on it, but it was not until I found this site and started reading that I was able to really understand. It has been like the scene from the Matrix where his eyes are opened and he sees the world for what it is.

As a non, trying to explain what is happening in your mind may be futile. It is only when those around you dig into BPD with a genuine interest in understanding that clarity can be reached.

My exgf I believe tried a few times to explain things to me and I tried to understand but could not.

Thank you all for sharing and giving me insight.


This is so touching. It is great to know there are partners out there who care enough to look into it. How did finding out after it was done make you feel? Did it help, or...?

When the T let it slip out that she was borderline I first took it that she "might" have a personality disorder. It was after I got home and googled it that I saw that it was something REAL!

I felt relieved. All the jealousy, push and pull, and rages at me I finally understood and felt compassion more than anything. At this point she had been giving me the silent treatment for a while so I reengaged her with this new understanding and realization that I had things I needed to work on if this was going to work. We got back together for all of 2 weeks and it ended for good.

I still love her dearly and wish nothing but good things for her. Unfortunately she stopped seeing the T as soon as we broke up. The T never told her she was borderline. When I met her she had a nice condo a great well paying job and was being a good mom to her son. She is now unemployed, living in her brothers basement and her son moved in with his dad full time.

It breaks my heart seeing this happen and I being the only one in her life who has looked deeply BPD and want to be there for her am now a source of pain and she refuses to speak to me.

Thanks all for your input.
Suppose i should introduce myself. Im a 22++++++yo male in NZ. i have battled depression since the early teens getting so bad i put a bullet in by head. it was stopped literally 2mm from lethal. After 15 years of hell i got a diagnosis but only recently the psych's concluded BPD was hiding in there too, boy did that explain a lot! Have or possibly had, a 10 year relationship that has hit rocks big time. I have not come across another BPD at all here, so have not been able to compare notes with anyone.

emotionaholic wrote:
When the T let it slip out that she was borderline I first took it that she "might" have a personality disorder. It was after I got home and googled it that I saw that it was something REAL!

I felt relieved. All the jealousy, push and pull, and rages at me I finally understood and felt compassion more than anything. At this point she had been giving me the silent treatment for a while so I reengaged her with this new understanding and realization that I had things I needed to work on if this was going to work. We got back together for all of 2 weeks and it ended for good.

I still love her dearly and wish nothing but good things for her. Unfortunately she stopped seeing the T as soon as we broke up. The T never told her she was borderline. When I met her she had a nice condo a great well paying job and was being a good mom to her son. She is now unemployed, living in her brothers basement and her son moved in with his dad full time.

It breaks my heart seeing this happen and I being the only one in her life who has looked deeply BPD and want to be there for her am now a source of pain and she refuses to speak to me.

I'm sorry you went through all that. I hope this saga will have a happy ending for both of you whether this is together or not.

I wonder why some professionals think not telling the diagnosis is an okay thing to do? It is bad news but how can anyone be expected to do something about it if no one tells them? This makes me angry! Can others who know more please tell me why this is thought to be A okay? I cannot see how it can be!