Trigger My Introduction

by **piercer7132** » Thu Mar 20, 2014 7:32 am

First let me say that I am the Man that is married to a wonderful woman and I was just recently initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Reason I am on this post is I would like some insight from people that are coping and dealing with this like myself. As my therapist was discussing her diagnosis, I was crying in her office as she ran down a list of symptoms and I fit each and everyone to a tee. I have come to terms that I am an abuser to my wife and to my children. I have never intentionally set out to act or behave this way and I hate myself for what I have done and caused in them all. I am truly sorry and am actively seeking counseling through talking with a therapist as well as medications for other things that have been identified.
Through the years I have been verbally, emotional, sexually and physically abusive. I have never hit her or the children with fists, but I have thrown things not intentionally at her but that have hit her. Leaving bruises on her but not on purpose. There have been two incidents that were actually violent and there is no excuse. [mod edit] Would I ever do this, No. It was me lashing out and just trying to get my way or a reaction out of her. I know there is no valid excuse for anything I have done and it was all me. I just hate what I have become and what I have done to the one relationship that mattered the most in my life.
I could write on and on about myself, but as I stated I want to hear from those that are living with a Husband like myself. I want to change and want to be a better Husband, Father and most importantly a better person all around. Thank you for reading this.

Know it will be a long and difficult road, but that it is worth the journey.

As to knowing the symptoms and having that "this is me!" moment, I relate. My first exposure to BPD criteria was two weeks after my first hospitalization during my Abnormal Psychology class. I sat there, staring at my textbook thinking, "How was I not diagnosed with this?!" I was later diagnosed (July 2013), had the diagnosis revoked in a second hospitalization (January 2014), and a recent third hospitalization re-diagnosed it (February/March 2014).

It's hard to fit all the criteria. But we must work with the hope of moving forward.

Hope you enjoy it here!
~ Wolfy

by **angelinbluejeans** » Fri Mar 21, 2014 12:37 am

I personally love how you take full responsibility for your own actions and want to change! (this is exactly where I am in life)....some interesting reading on relationships here (hope it helps): http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/26

Trigger My Introduction