Controlling idealization

I deleted the original post, but decided to repost it anyway. I wanted to word it better.

I have had this problem for a long time, where when someone provides me with supply and validation, I begin to seriously idealize the person.

Since I have become self-aware, I see what is really going on. I feel very drawn toward the person, and feel extremely positive about them, and have even felt love and care in the past, but it is not genuine and in fact my feelings are decieving me. It is not the person but really the supply that I love and feel drawn to.

It is annoying. I have extreme black and white thinking, and I know that I care nothing for anyone. My former friend is a great example of idealizing and devaluing someone in the extreme.

Perhaps it is not possible to control this, as it seems that I cannot. But atleast I see it now for what it really is. But what I originally asked was, since borderlines also suffer from black and white thinking, is if anyone has any advice on how to control the idealization of others, if that is truly possible?

I've done this for quite a long time and it is extremely annoying now that I see it for what it is. I have begun to idealize someone again, and I know that I care nothing for this person, it is just the supply that I am attracted to. The more they provide supply, the more I want, and the more I idealize the person and feel drawn to them. That is until I devalue them, then I feel nothing but hatred and anger toward them. My feelings decieve me, and I hate it.

Any thoughts? This happens to me every damn time, but atleast I see it now for what it is. It is stupid.

This happens to me every damn time, but atleast I see it now for what it is. It is stupid.

You're way ahead of the game then. At least you see it, most don't. That's kind of why it's important to see the Person that is the "supply" as Human as You are. Would you want to be viewed and used in the same manner? How would that make you feel? Would you want to be around someone who did that to you?
Untwist your thinking

Oh please! Don't preach that crap to me. People have sh*t on me my entire life. So why don't you ask that question to those very same people that have hurt me and didn't treat me like a human. I don't give a damn about others, and I have every right to feel that way.

I am simply annoyed that when I idealize someone that I begin to have feelings for the person that are not genuine. I realize that it is an effort to gain more supply and to secure it, by feeling and therefore wanting to act more positive toward them. It is a deception. My own feelings decieve me and it annoys me.

That's all that it is.

don't put all your eggs in on basket
diversefy your investments
there are a lot of things you want
make sure you can get them from differend ppl
friends
familly
collegues
classfriends
sportclubfriends
etc

That is true, madjoe.

Oh please! Don't preach that crap to me. People have sh*t on me my entire life. So why don't you ask that question to those very same people that have hurt me and didn't treat me like a human. I don't give a damn about others, and I have every right to feel that way.

Not preaching, but your thinking doesn't make any sense to me.
People often treat each other badly, but doesn't give me the right to go out and hurt others as the result of someone else's bs.

I am simply annoyed that when I idealize someone that I begin to have feelings for the person that are not genuine. I realize that it is an effort to gain more supply and to secure it, by feeling and therefore wanting to act more positive toward them. It is a deception. My own feelings decieve me and it annoys me.

How to have a non genuine feeling? You feel what you feel. Reads more like your own mind deceives you into believing your feelings are not real. They are , and they are temporary. They will change over time. Pretty normal. But painting people black and white and perfect and demonic? Not normal.

If you look at a person as 'supply' what does that make you to them? Another form of supply?
Supply and Demand, No demand = No supply.
Or you can Demand, and still get jack $#%^. Then where are you? Screwed.
In terms of human r/s, "supply" is an ignorant term.

And agree with MadJoe.

You know nothing of my circumstances nor of what you speak. Especially over a few paragraphs of text that I have written. You have no idea what is going on inside of me.

And simply put, I do not care, and I do not conform to your views. I do not have to explain myself to you, or to anybody, and I wont. End of story.

blank identity wrote:You know nothing of my circumstances nor of what you speak.

Well, you did say:
"I have extreme black and white thinking, and I know that I care nothing for anyone."

So, we know that much about you.

Fishing-mad wrote:So, we know that much about you.

A rather astute observation.

OP: You're probably already aware of this, but "splitting" (AKA, "black and white thinking") is quite common among those with BPD.

It can be difficult, I know. I idealize some people and often assume the worst about them, but since starting DBT, I have noticed I do it less.

I am not sure this helps, but know you're not alone, and what you're experiencing is very common among those diagnosed with BPD. If you're in therapy, I hope you're going through DBT because it really can be amazingly helpful.