Euphoria when I smoke weed

Whenever I get high, my mind completely changes. I get the sense that I've become a new person and so I even consider it an alter-ego, albeit one that I'm aware of so that rules out DID. I named myself Kage because I thought it was a cool name.

I sit and I think and I convince myself that I can do anything with my mind and that I can control every aspect, thought, insecurity, etc. because it's my brain and I'm the only one who controls it. I get the idea that nothing can stop me, no one can get in my way and that I can even advance my IQ. And when I'm high, it does seem like I become a lot smarter and more observant to my surroundings and self.

Plus, the only time I don't feel empty is when I do it. When I'm sober, I just feel hollow and bored. I need that altered perception to feel complete and real. It's like suddenly everything is figured out and I have no worries, until I sober up and then it's gone.

For example, a few days ago, I was high and I was thinking about my ex and I told myself that I didn't want to think about her and to just squash all the memories. When I applied my mind to that, I literally forgot. And it was a huge relief, like all the tension was leaving my body because now I was whole.

Can anyone else relate on some level to this? Does smoking weed make you happier or worse?

Weed does make me forget about all my problems but i'd rather not end up smoking it everyday so I avoid it. One time I smoked weed, it was the first time I felt happy in ages. I actually went home after smoking weed with my boyfriend, put my head on my pillow, and smiled. That kinda shocked me because I did not know weed could lift your mood like that even though I had smoked it before.

I love it. it certainly helps with the tedium of everyday life.

Being high is the only thing that makes me feel normal. How depressing is that.

I used to love weed and smoked it everyday, but a few years ago something suddenly changed and it started making me insanely paranoid. The last 10 times or so I tried smoking it I ended up having panic attacks. Once someone called for an ambulance it was so bad. So now I don't touch the stuff.

I've been taking alot of opiates and benzos recently though to help cope with my feelings

I smoke everyday, and like you, I feel I am not myself until I smoke..

When I smoke I feel normal, relaxed, not as highly strung.

I can still function without coming across as high, so that's good.
I use it to go out in public, I'd rather be happy/high than overwhelmed/annoyed/stressed..

I used to smoke pot several times per day when I had it. I blew through so much pot. But I quit more than a month ago. I can't say that I felt like a different person, just happy and giggly.

Some times I got really f*cked up and it was too much, and I'd lay down with my headphones on with my favorite music, and zone off.

I understand this. My personality becomes different depending on the strain, where I am, who I'm with, how much I smoke, What I'm doing. It's like I go through this transformative state of being unsure of myself and then realize I'm actually very capable of being assertive, decisive, and all the things I tend not to be when I'm just dragging my flesh through this mundane thing called life. I have wondered why I have been given the gift and curse of extreme thinking (Everything is black and white) and how I can use that to my advantage in life, in business, in pursuit of goals and ambitions. I think there is a way. Some people are great at running marathons and others are made to sprint. Marathon runners don't sprint and sprinters don't run marathons but they are both built and adapted to thrive at what they do. Over an extended period of time, the activity, productivity and joy I experience in the high moments of my life will surely add up to something spectacular, as long as the lows don't kill me first. It seems that as i have aged, as I have grown, as I have evolved, My understanding and acceptance of emotions and their role in my life has allowed me a greater control over how low I allow myself to go before taking action to change the direction of momentum. Weed can be a great catalyst in the change of direction. If things are progressively getting worse, or even more so, If i feel a sense of stagnation, a little weed and a trip to the movie theater or to the golf course can change my perspective on things quite drastically. Nothing puts me in a good mood like a couple of hits and a trip to the gym with some good music in my headphones. The connection found in the gym of the emotional, physical, Mental and spiritual seems to do something so harmonious and healing that I have yet to find a prescribed medicine that even comes close. I spent years self medicating, drinking and drugging myself to death just to try and quiet my mind, escape what was an inevitable and unexciting reality only to find that everything I thought was wrong with me was really just the misunderstanding of a gift intended to inspire positive action and change my life and the lives of those around me who want to change. I have realized that everyone is someone, every body is just a vessel and what we chose to do and who we chose to be in this great dramatic play called life are the only two decisions that really matter. So whether you smoke weed, don't smoke weed, have a disorder, don't have a disorder, whatever the case… The most important thing is that you chose a role that is rooted in love, rooted in passion, and allow yourself the experience of life. The only finite resource is time and it is ticking, don't waste a second doubting your perfection. If you weren't' meant to be the way you are you wouldn't be and if you don't want to be the way you are, do something about it. As for me… I like to smoke weed when I have the time to enjoy it.