Or.....Abandonment Issues?

What's behind that?!?!?....especially when you are surrounded by many wonderful friends, etc...

Um...you may want to elaborate, just a little. Are you asking this as a generic question, or did something specific happen to you that you're trying to understand?

If you're asking it as a generic question, I'll warn you now; you're going to get a very wide gamut of answers. There are instances of physical abandonment, emotional abandonment, and even perceived abandonment of both of the aforementioned types here. You'll also get stories of abuse where the people who were charged with protecting children abandoned that duty and instead, caused them permanent turmoil and harm. Then, you'll get the weirdos like me who don't recall any abandonment at all, and yet still have irrational fears of it.

...hence, my saying you might want to be more specific in what you're looking for, here.

Lol I guess I have trouble with self-disclosure when that has cost me in the past (individuals twisting the truth), but granted I am not being very specific here. I think my question is more related to the 'I Hate You/Don't Leave Me' thread...

Here's a list of issues I think may have contributed towards my abandonment fears:

-My family being torn apart at the age of 6 and never seeing my father again
-Childhood abuse
-My mother talking constantly about her failed marriages throughout my childhood, how bad the men were etc
-My older sister being banished from the family
-An invalidating childhood environment
-High levels of emotion and violence in the family home
-My feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem
-My high levels of dependency
-A biological propensity towards panic/catastrophising/quick reactions
-The fact that I have never been single

As you can see, Johnny was right and it's a complex issue!

When nobody shows you enduring love or care or even acknowledges you exist for long enough, esp as a child, you stop believing that anyone can and no matter how nice someone is you keep getting pulled back to that time when you didn't mean anything to anyone.

I think that is somewhat close to home (something somehow related to my past), vertices. Thanks for the input...

[quote="vertices"]When nobody shows you enduring love or care or even acknowledges you exist for long enough, esp as a child, you stop believing that anyone can and no matter how nice someone is you keep getting pulled back to that time when you didn't mean anything to anyone.[/quote]


.... yes and you can't recognize it.

And I believe that setting limits (boundaries) is important for a healthy interpersonal relationship. Why do so many not see that as a virtue?

What I said was....When nobody shows you enduring love or care or even acknowledges you exist for long enough, esp as a child, you stop believing that anyone can and no matter how nice someone is you keep getting pulled back to that time when you didn't mean anything to anyone.....

... when someone does show you love and true caring you are often incapable of acknowledging or recognizing it.

I absolutely agree with you, whenlmeetsm! That makes sense to me...