College and BPD

Currently I'm on a leave of absence from school because I couldn't get the proper psychiatric treatment, but when I started there (This would be my 4th semester) it seemed like many of my problems I'm having now started to get worse or started to surface. I found myself falling in love with every girl I met, started using any substance that would make me feel differently, got so anxious I couldn't function, not being able to function made (makes ) me depressed, two trips to the psych ward, etc. The worst nights were when I went out to parties to socialize and literally felt empty and alone standing around tons of people.

Has anybody gone through this or can relate? Any advice besides the standard "well you should go talk to someone", by that I mean, any quirky ways or things you did to get motivated and deal?

Thanks

I completely relate to what you went through. By some type of miracle, I'm finishing my master's degree currently, so it's doable.

Luckily, I was able to get through my freshman and sophomore years with only mild difficulties. By my junior year, I was carrying 22 credits and working 40 hours a week to keep myself busy and away from social situations. It got to the point where I moved 20 outside of downtown, and shut myself off from everybody I had built relationships with. However, I did things in such a way that nobody every caught on that it was my mental health, I was just labeled a "b****", and I was happy it came across that way and not "she's gone off the deep end". (which is a testament to the stigma associated with mental disorders)

I found that sequestering myself for certain periods of time (not extremes of course) allowed me to assimilate to situations better. I'm not one to share my thoughts and feelings, so I understand the not wanting to talk to someone issue.

My thoughts go crazy at night! I started typing them in my phone so that I could self-reflect, and kind of just get a grip on my life and actions.

I also got a dog. I know it's not an option for a lot of people, but if at all possible, go to a shelter. He allows me to focus on something other than my own issues while providing unconditional love and company. He also helped me a lot with my excessive sleeping on off days just due to having to feed and walk him.

my advice get BPD help now, the right help not just crummy counseling or anger management, and hold the ###$ on to your life and conquer it now. Im 26 ive been sick for years now and it doesnt get easier if you dont take action, your young, i fyour borderline, dont drink, stay in treatment, who i knows maybe in a year you can be back in school having the time of your life with your symptoms under control

I'm in the same boat as you now...

Except now I'm FINALLY a senior and getting ready to begin grad school.

My first semester was exactly as you described it, so my family made me come home and start over at a community college. I mean I was a mess. Drinking drugs, cutting, and my eating disorder all out of control. Plus the promiscuity. But I think I've got more of a handle on myself now.

One thing I always do before reacting to EVERYTHING is question my emotion and reaction.

Is it too much? Is this how regular people react? No? Okay...Breathe and then act.

The only thing is I still have no friends because I literally cannot handle social situations. Which only makes me depressed because the isolation is a killer. But I got 3 dogs and I really rely on them.

swimtothemoon - you must be a Doors fan, right?

I agree with everything written here - particularly with what stateofmind32 has to say - and I just wanted to say with her, 'look ... it's doable'.

I'm an academic living with BPD, and have done throughout my long career - both pre- and post-diagnosis - I hold a first-class honours degree and a prestigious scholarship to finish my doctorate (both of which are very hard to get), and I've taught for close on fifteen years. It's not the doing of the work that's the problem for me ... it's the (mis-)management of the disorder and how that (mis-)management impacts on the work.

If you've got the symptoms and the illness under control then ... Bob really is you uncle ... you will get that stability you are after. I held one position for eleven years because I had the illness so under control that it couldn't even twitch without me doing something positive about it.

But then life ... and BPD ... came and got me again ... and I'm currently on leave after a psych ward visit myself! Because I've been so unwell, I put the doctorate to one side for the time being ... and decided to finish another degree instead! I know ... crazy, right? But one of the ways I have always managed the disorder is to keep my mind active and inspired by things other than how miserable I am, and it has worked pretty well over the years ... as long as one doesn't go to the other extreme of overwork and workaholism (and I'm guilty-as-charged of that, officer!) it can be extremely beneficial.

All the best with the management of the situation,

840

I'm in my second year of university with BPD issues and ADHD. It's taken me 9 years after leaving school to get myself this far. I have started and never finished many courses during these years. Finally I've managed to stick with something for 2 years, and because I'm quite bright I've scraped through despite missing assignments and deadlines. I really, really want this degree. I'm not after a first, I'm after a degree. Despite the fact that without mental health issues I could gain outstanding results, I have to admit my own limitations and make goals attainable or I'll just crumble again.

I'm trying out a new approach where my degree is treated like a 9-5 job and I force myself to sit in my office during those hours. If there are no assignments, I read. As you can see from my presence, it hasn't created some huge revolution, but I'm hoping that, with time, my attention span will increase and my ability to push aside emotion in favour of work will improve. I'm on a waiting list to be evaluated to see if I can get more appropriate medication. I'll keep fighting until I get it. That's important to me.

My other little bit of advice is to tell people you trust at college, don't go it alone. I know that's awkward...I hated confiding in my tutor, especially as I really want to be viewed in a positive light, but they need to be aware that you suffer with these issues so that they can help you out. I thought it would be belittling but I'm actually getting used to the idea that I have some difficulties and wanted to share that...I wouldn't try and hide a broken leg and if they're judging me, it's their issue. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure they're not. They've actually given some really good advice.

Issues in my relationship have been a real killer for my work and I seriously advise that if you are currently in a relationship or choose to enter one during your college years, you get good therapy at the same time. With BPD, it can eat up all your time and energy. Before you know it, you've spent assignment week sobbing because of some argument or misunderstanding or other and you've lost points. I find that still caring enough about my individual concerns, like my degree, is very difficult during these times. Therapy is helping me to deal with that, which creates more headspace for my work.

My feeling is that this can be done, we just need to be realistic and kind to ourselves and realise that it's not going to be easy. Not much worth having is achieved in an instant or without the odd pitfall. Keep your goal in sight, get all the help you can get, and don't give up.