Weird, personal trigger

I have a really strange trigger, at least it's strange to me. I get incredibly jealous of people who have bigger penises then me, it's one of my biggest triggers. Just hearing someone on TV or on the internet say how big their penis is can trigger me, make me cry, even drink sometimes because it's one thing I can't change about myself, when I change other things around me to try to make life more bearable. I don't have a small penis, I'm average and that's what annoys me, that someone else could do better than me if you get what I mean. I'm scared I won't be able to satisfy women or that they'll secretly be wanting me to have a bigger penis, and although when you go on the internet people say 'size doesn't matter' it doesn't help me at all.
This has only started very recently though, within the past 2 months. I hope it passes.

just more venting

You are trying to see this from the perspective of someone being judged and I think that is causing you to see things in a way that might be a bit skewed.

Try thinking of things from this perspective.

If you are with a girl and she has average boobs and one day you get an opportunity to be with someone who has large boobs does that mean you cheat?

Or if an ex had large boobs and your current GF has average boobs, should your GF be looking over her shoulder feeling bad about your ex?

Lets talk sexual performance, say your ex sexual performance was a 9 out of 10 and your current girlfriend scores a 6 out of 10 but you love her. Does that mean you will cheat on her with your ex if you have a chance?

I don't know what the answer is for you, hopefully you say no and then when the situation is flipped you should not be concerned. But if you said yes well I have two bits of good news for you.

Women are generally better (not all of course) than guys when it comes to being faithful and seeing the big picture and not just one aspect of it.

Also since you are on the BPD forum, I did read that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are better in bed. They are much more obsessed (like you are) with being good in bed and also have a (scientifically proven) knack for responding to people's reactions. This all means you are likely more of a sex machine than you realize.

96% of the male population is non-BPD, so already they are at a disadvantage. I wish I remember where I read that stat (about BPD folks being better in bed) so I could share.

Thanks, sometimes I just need some reassurance and some logical thought put my way to help put my mind back together