Is there any hope in keeping a job?

Over the years I have been through countless jobs. I either end up getting fired or quitting when I can sense that things are not going well. I try best. I haven't been in any major confrontations at work. I have always been on time, have never stolen or done anything illegal. Yet I always end up getting fired or basically driven to the point of quitting. I am outcast. The other staff hate me. Management hates me. I am just not accepted as part of the team. In the earlier days, I used to ask management why I was being fired and the answer was always the same "because you just don't fit in with the team". I quit asking after being told the same thing numerous times. My whole life I have been outcast. I don't even know what the hell it is I am doing that's so bad that they need to get rid of me, but it really hurts! Everytime it happens I just wonder if there's any point in working at all because this is so painful and I can't keep going through this reoccurring trauma. Is there anyone with this same problem? Is there people that can work and are actually accepted for who they are?? Does anyone know what behaviour "not being part if the team" is???? I just feel so lost....

Hello JanW,
Without knowing what you do it is hard to say what Not Fitting in with the team could mean. Can you give a little background on what field you work in and how you interact with your co-workers? If your told this in the same field and multiple jobs, it could be many things. If, on the other hand, its in multiple fields and jobs, I would focus more on how you interact with your co-workers. A manager is usually concerned about two things: How the team interacts with each other and the "energy" they have together, and how an employee fits into the culture of the team and the organization. How well did you interact with your other team members? Did you understand the culture of your team and buy into it? You are not an outcast and I know you feel lost now, but if you can look at your interactions within the frame work of the office setting, you can maybe see somethings you can do differently. OR you may decide that culture isnt for you, and maybe you should find a different career path.

For me, I'm a Chameleon. The self-defenses that I developed allows me to quickly determine what I need to do to "fit" in and either a) not be noticed or b) what I need to do to excel (My almost obsessive need to succeed). I could see people who would develop the opposite traits and would subconsciously try not to fit in. I'm not saying you do this or have developed this, but just throwing possibilities out there. Again, if you can examine your interactions, you can maybe see where there may be issues if any from your side. At the end of the day, its possible you just had a bunch of horrible bosses and your better off for not being there anymore.

I have worked in every type of job imaginable. Ya I think it's definitely something to do with how I interact with others... I just don't feel comfortable around people and really don't want to be around them more than I have to. I feel like they don't like me at all from they day they met me. I don't know how to force myself out of this feeling. I try every day by being around the staff but can't shake that constant uncomfortable feeling. They often ask me if something is wrong. It's like they can see it in me!! I try to act normal, say normal things, do normal things, but it just doesn't work!

I still struggle to even picture the idea of ever having a job. Every time I ended up with even the most basic job-like responsibilities it has tortured me... :s I am a chameleon like above but maintaining relationships for the long term is hard, the problems come out eventually. Sorry if this is unhelpful.

Thanks for the replies. I just needed to see other perspectives. Everything helps. I just don't understand it! If I am not doing anything illegal or immoral then why am u being fired?!?

I have managed teams that have been as small as 4 and as large as 75. Some of the teams have been highly technical some of them more customer service centric. Depending on the type of team, trust and accountability was essential. If team members could not communicate and trust each other, there could be serious performance issues. With that said, I knew the type of personalities we needed, and I would hire to those personality traits. I have a high degree of empathy due to past abuses (self-defense mechanism), and I can usually tell if someone will work out in advance.

Many managers do not have this ability or do not care, and just hire willy nilly. So they hire you, you get on the team, the team is close knit so the new person doesn't fit in, and the next minute your getting fired. Its frankly bad management and not fair to you, and in most places perfectly legal. Its a waste of your time and honestly a waste of the company's time and money.

What you can do is ask what is the team culture like and what would be expected to you. Tell them that your a little shy and what are the expectations as far as communications within the team. If they tell you that they all go out for lunch everyday or hang out after work, that may not be the environment for you. The person may also realize about your anxiety and help you integrate better. Yeah you might get passed over for some jobs, but chances are you wouldn't have fit there anyway, and why start and get fired right? You have as much right to ask questions about the job as they do, I know it will be hard to do that, but its better you do it one on one then see what its like once you start.

So, as far as thinking people don't like you... Why do you think that? Has anyone ever told you they don't like you? Let me ask you a question, If your working at a place and there are 10 tasks to do and only 4 people to do the task and a 5th person starts, are you going to be happy or mad that someone comes along to help? Ask yourself what emotion most people are going to feel naturally towards a new person.

I don't know. They usually try to help the new person. But sometimes they just ignore the new person. It depends. I just don't want to have to work somewhere where I have to please people and be part of the team. I feel so judged all the time.

JanW wrote:I don't know. They usually try to help the new person. But sometimes they just ignore the new person. It depends. I just don't want to have to work somewhere where I have to please people and be part of the team. I feel so judged all the time.

Maybe that is your answer then.. Find a job where your not part of a team.. A job where you work by yourself or with just one person and your left alone.. Though as long as your working for someone else, to some extend you will be judged. Just try to remember your being judged for the job you do, not for the person you are. I hope you can find something the works for you, I think if you brainstorm you'll find there are a lot of jobs out there that would work for you.

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Hiya,

I used to have this very problem. Between the ages of 18 and 20 it more or less happened at 3 different jobs, even with the same words being used.

Thankfully, I turned my working life around not long after I decided to turn the rest of my life around. I had problems with avoidance, depression and not leaving the house. I was trapped in an unhappy marriage. I divorced and moved away and started afresh. With new perspective and distance from the situation, I looked back and could see where I could have interacted more, had more confidence and made better decisions. Upon reflection, I had suffered due to a combination of misfortune (no-one should have to deal with bullies at work like I did once) and the fact that I was just a frightened little girl, which no doubt all these people picked up on. It doesn't make for an attractive employee.

I tackled the problem of social confidence by getting back into education and making some friends. After this, facing the prospect of working again became FAR less frightening, as I could talk to other people with far more ease. I have since worked one job consistently for 2.5 years and two jobs over the summer, all while studying full time. I have a job interview tomorrow too!

I haven't faced the old problem...in fact, people at work have loved me! It's been amazing.

I have been fortunate to meet much more friendly people in my recent jobs, but more importantly, I am a different person, so I am creating different interactions. I am a highly valuable employee because I work with confidence and skill, I am always approachable and honest, and I keep others in the loop about what I'm doing. I'm there as a friend as well as a co-worker. I'll ask how they're doing, ask how their kids are...If a problem arises that I need help with, I wont think twice about asking for it. If I'm asked for help, I'll dive right in in return.

This is what being an employee in a team setting HAS to be like in order for it to function. You don't have to genuinely love the other people there (although thankfully I have done!) but you do need to be part of easy and consistent communication between team members and you can't let fear about that compromise your ability to work. Each team member has to know, understand and trust the other. You can have personal issues (everybody does) and still be a good employee. You can have emotional problems and still succeed at work too, as long as you keep those things separate enough. It IS tricky! It doesn't mean lying about it, it means honestly expressing what is relevant to work or helpful to forming bonds and keeping irrelevant stuff at home as best as possible. It means constantly reminding yourself of your own worth as a worker.

It's also important to prepare for certain things. When you first enter a team, you ARE an outsider and it's going to make you anxious. The sooner you can warm up to doing your bit and making it clear that you are friendly, the easier it will be and the sooner you'll be accepted. Acceptance wont be automatic. You are on trial both as a worker and as an acceptable team member. Like in any human group, people want to know that they're welcoming somebody nice and trustworthy.

If all this sounds like too much hard work right now, you have many other options. You could freelance or get a more solitary job with less emphasis on teamwork. My partner works in an office where every interaction is done by email, even if that person is sitting next to him! He loves it because it suits his personality.

Hope this helps. There's no way you should be giving up, because there's so much out there. You have to keep trying!

Ya that's way way too difficult. I try doing all that and it just doesn't seem to work because it doesn't come naturally for me.
I have started taking jobs where I work alone most of the time. That is much much better. The only problem about working alone is if I'm not constantly busy I start feeling extremely depressed because I'm all alone.