Rage Rant *Tw?*

SO lately things have been going to hell. my job is cutting my hours my brother is back on meth my abuser is getting out of jail everything i own is getting shut off and then to top that off when i was so looking forward to a simple hug from my fiancee but i couldn't i'd been dealing with so much just brushing it off waving it off i'm fine i'm going to be fine everythings fine. and now I'm not! my fiancee is a VA (vunerable adult) so they somehow have the right to keep me from seeing him over a stupid text! it feels so much like the whole world is coming against me i'm filled with so much rage and sadness and i'm empty feeling all at the same time I have new holes in the walls I've been pacing and crying I needed him today and the world Took him from me! and i probably wont get to see him not once for over a week. he helps me feel he helps me calm he helps me look at the world and say everythings going to be okay because this man right here loves me for what and who i am he dosn't judge me or talk down to me and they have the nerve to take him from me Because he's being good! they can't handle it they can't handle his happy And This isn't the paranoia talking its true they've said it they don't ever want him out of there he's there Fricking cash cow!

I'm going to try to help you to break things down at bit here. It's going to be ok. You can get through this time.

It is important that you untangle disordered thought and circumstances beyond your control from the concerns that can be addressed.

kittypup wrote:my job is cutting my hours

This sucks, I'm sorry. I know things feel terrible right now, but once they've calmed down, could you look into getting more hours somewhere else, or a job with better hours or pay? Could you build on your skills by volunteering or getting more qualifications to make you more hire-able? Could you do odd jobs for people, or sell things on Ebay, or get a hobby that can make a bit of cash on the side? You could definitely work through your finances to see if there's anywhere you could cut back or to make sure you will be ok with less time at work. Maybe you don't need those hours, I don't know. If you do, there will be a solution.

my brother is back on meth

This also sucks, but as you feel so bad right now we have to do something that seems cold and prioritise. There is nothing much you can do about your brother being on meth, especially when you feel so bad. It is tragic, a horrible shame, and obviously hurts, but only he can get himself out of that one. Don't swallow his problem as one of your own. The best thing you can do for him is get yourself feeling healthy. Only then can you consider offering your help, if you can at all.

my abuser is getting out of jail

Ouch, a hard thing for anyone to deal with. Again, it's beyond your control, so try (I know it's so hard) not to agonise yourself into further pain. The "what ifs" are probably whirling around in your head right now, which is so understandable, but that chapter of your life is over, whether he'/she's in prison, out of it, or lying in a ditch somewhere. It's up to the authorities to worry about what they're doing, not up to you. You are one poor person, one person who has suffered enough because of this person. Try not to let it continue. You must protect yourself right now, which means being on your own side. Look after yourself and don't let the anxiety about this event descend.

to top that off when i was so looking forward to a simple hug from my fiancee but i couldn't i'd been dealing with so much just brushing it off waving it off i'm fine i'm going to be fine everythings fine. and now I'm not! my fiancee is a VA (vunerable adult) so they somehow have the right to keep me from seeing him over a stupid text! He helps me feel he helps me calm he helps me look at the world and say everythings going to be okay because this man right here loves me for what and who i am he dosn't judge me or talk down to me and they have the nerve to take him from me Because he's being good!

I know how it feels not to get affection you feel you need from someone you love in a time of crisis. It is unfortunate, but it doesn't have to crush you. Try to stay calm and take a step back...You have a fiance who loves you, someone who clearly cares a lot. That is a very good position to be in. It's out of your hands if for whatever reason he cannot speak to you at the moment. But he is still there.

No matter how much it feels like it, you don't need to speak to him to make it through this time. I know it feels so massive on your own, but once you start tackling things by soothing yourself, it will shrink and you will be seeing things more clearly. You've rightly noticed that you're experiencing rage and paranoia as stress reactions. Priority number one: Soothe that. You will need to take on the role of your fiance and be super strong, telling yourself what he would tell you and taking appropriate actions to help yourself.

it feels so much like the whole world is coming against me

You probably know that this is a classic paranoid stress reaction. Don't take it seriously.

i'm filled with so much rage and sadness and i'm empty feeling all at the same time I have new holes in the walls I've been pacing and crying I needed him today and the world Took him from me! and i probably wont get to see him not once for over a week. they can't handle it they can't handle his happy And This isn't the paranoia talking its true they've said it they don't ever want him out of there he's there Fricking cash cow!

I'm not exactly sure what the circumstances are with your fiance, but I do see a very distressed person who doesn't deserve to be in this much pain about matters, so take deep breaths and do things to look after yourself.

We are here if you need to talk more

Thanks. I know somewhere in the back of my mind even mid range I need to step back and decompress but its easier said than done at times. I am currently looking for another job. And I fully meant to go out and hunt a bit but with everything it was exhausting to even get up to go pee today. Sometimes things just feel to heavy to deal with
I am currently untreated for my bpd although diagnosed. I will be going in soon to remedy this in the mean time your right I need to Soothe myself and tackle things one at a time and unfortunatly on my own. Thank you again. I feel a good bit calmer albeit i have a new hole in my wall. Also something i need to work on lol i hate how even when im enraged theres that small rational voice that tells me there is no need to be in such a state ya know? But thanks again. I will have an update later today after im home and hopefully better rested.

Glad I could reassure you a bit. I realise it's probably all stuff you know already deep down!

Remember that you're not alone in dealing with this alone! Lots of us are. Where I live, there's a long waiting list for treatment or even a diagnosis. I'm fighting the flames with just my own little extinguisher. Always helps to come on here and see others doing the same, successfully.

Also sorry if your fiancee is a lady! Despite speaking French I still get confused with the e's!

My fiance ? is male i also get confused with the E's XD and i'm thinking about talking to the doc about mood stabalizers. just to try them see if they work for me