Do you do this?

Last night i was feeling good. I drank two glasses of wine, which is maybe a three times a year
deal. I don't have an alcohol problem. It just makes me tired and sometimes depressed the next
day.

So anyways, I was feeling the love. It disturbs me that it took two glasses of wine to really feel
the love inside me I have been suppressing. It sucks. I know if I continue the meditation, that
will work. But I just want to drink wine now and that's all I need is another problem!

Anyways, I was texting many of my friends and telling them I love them. I met with friends and
had a great very connective fun evening with them. It felt really really good to feel so connected
to humanity again.

So, any ideas how I can maintain this without drinking wine beforehand?

I think exercising and meditation will get me out of my head and connected to others.

Also maybe I chose to connect with people and it had little to do with the alchohol. Earlier that day
I sat Shivah with my bestfriend from long ago because her Dad died and it was great to spend time
with her. We always understood each other.

Warm Cider?
Prayer?

I'll be fine.

Maybe a glass of wine here and there isn't so bad.

I can be so uptight and a purist about food and drink etc.

I'll be fine. It just annoys me a little

I wrote a long reply on my phone and it got deleted. I'll sum it up. I find weed helps some but not all BPD symptoms and gives me more courage and carefree, but doesn't improve my social skills, just allows me to speak naturally. It overall worsens my dark urges from my Black and White Thinking and makes me more impulsive. I have a deeply rooted sexual nature so controlling my sexual urges around my girlfriend can be difficult, and she's usually not in the mood if I'm manic but I'm a fairly decent lover so I dont always have to hold myself back