Splitting and radical acceptance of others

I keep splitting over this one lady and I am wondering how we get to accepting other people for who they are, warts and all. I suspect that you are going to tell me that we have to accept ourselves first.

I hadn't been on here for awhile, so I'm just posting this teeny tiny post.

I'm not going to tell you that! Why do you have to accept her? Maybe you just don't really like her and you're trying to like her too much??

I don't accept people. If something inside p*sses me off about them, they're on my 'naughty list' as such. I just don't accept people that I don't agree with.

On the topic of 'splitting', I have a question: Can the sudden shift from positive (or in my case, pretty often neutral, yet in a way 'idealized') to negative in the experience about the other person be accompanied by some conscious awareness of the other person as not 'completely bad'? When it comes to my emotional reactions, I seem to be pretty much "splitting", but in a way I also understand I'm acting stupid or over-reacting - but this understanding just doesn't reach my emotional reaction and I'm driven to feel that other person as completely punitive, cold and so on, and to behave accordingly towards him/her. I mean that there is also this 'split' between some kind of conscious understanding and the emotional reaction. Is this typical for 'splitting', or is this 'splitting' at all?