BPD and substances?

Hiya everyone..

My names Angel. I live in what you could only call a "country city" in Australia. This is my first post on this forum. Although I've been frantically reading on and off for the past 24 hours. I think I have given myself a bit to much to comprehend because I don't know what to think, or where to start. I'm almost 20, and have only this year been diagnosed with BPD. At 10 I was diagnosed with severe adolescent depression, from the age of 6, but looking back now after what I've learnt about BPD - I think a lot of my symptoms started at a very early age.

To the mods and admins, I apologize if I am breaking any rules by this topic, as I understand this post will be reviewed before being submitted.

What I want to know is other peoples experience with BPD and substance abuse, particularly marijuana. I've smoked weed, daily, on and off for almost 5 years now. With an abusive ex, our addiction was extreme. The downers (come down) that we got when we ran out and had no possible way of getting any more were so crazy. We added fuel to each other's fire. At the end of the relationship I accidentally fell pregnant and I quit the two things I craved most, pot and energy drinks. Quitting energy drinks was harder, believe it or not. After I aborted the baby, in self hate and fear for the child having a lifetime of pain by simply being the son or daughter to a psychically, emotionally and mentally abusive father - I couldn't do it. While that was going on I accidentally met my current partner who has been an angel sent from heaven, most days. After a few months, after the typical BPD relationship has gotten much more intense and rockier, I started smoking again.

These days I keep myself to a limit. Which used to be up to 7x higher than it is now. I try to stop my daytime smoking, but when after I wake up from a nightmare or if I went to sleep upset the night before, I cant stop myself. Even though it makes me nauseous. I rely on it in the sense that, if something has gone wrong (no matter how major or minor it is) I use it to calm me, numb me, similar to the effects of Valium, or anything opiate based really.

Please take into your consideration, before offering any advice, I do not like taking medication, prescription or not. When I have an episode, which can be daily some times, they are simply to much of a self destructive threat to have around. I have a steady GP, that I may not trust yet because I haven't been seeing for long but I do like him. I am not currently being treated, except for the occasional Seroquel when my insomnia kicks in. Next year, thanks to my boyfriends encouragement, I will be starting DBT therapy at my closest capital city.

I think maybe, stopping this addiction, will be a helping hand towards treatment or at least learning to live with this disorder. Should I wait until I have the support of the DBT network? Or should I risk it now? I am not in a good place in my life at the moment, but I never really have been. I am scared to do something stupid while being caught up in my own traumatic rollercoaster of $#%^.

I appreciate any advice or stories that anyone may offer, and even more I thank you for reading this.