How do you keep boundaries?

I have a very hard time with boundaries. Either I put too much space in between me and someone else to the point where it seems as if I have no interest in them (when I actually do), or I put so little space in between me and someone else to the point where it is obsessive and annoying to them. I am in constant search of acceptance, love, etc. and when I find someone who is giving it to me either as a friend or through sex, I have absolutely no boundaries and I become EXTREMELY clingy.

Here's an example: I have a habit of liking sex too much because it makes me feel cared for and loved. There's a guy that I wanted to be friends with benefits with and he said no because he is friends with my ex and he said that would be too awkward for him. I dropped then situation and never brought it up again. Then, a couple months later he said he changed his mind and he wants to be friends with benefits with me. That's when I started to become obsessive. I would think about him constantly. I promised myself that I wouldn't obsessively text him though. But yesterday, we finally had sex, and now I am being so obsessive. I keep texting him and he is not texting back, but I know he is getting my texts. I'm so mad at myself because I told myself in the beginning that I would NOT screw this up by getting obsessive... But I have screwed this up now I'm really very sad.

How the hell do I stop being obsessive? This has happened so many times before where I get obsessive over people when I want them to care about me....

Notsure

How the hell do I stop being obsessive? This has happened so many times before where I get obsessive over people when I want them to care about me....

Perhaps if you view the obsession as stemming from delusion and tackle the delusionary aspect of your nature.
You feed your obsession by denying the truth of the situation, which is harsh but must be faced.

Possible delusion:
-You and he should be together.
-You are special and he should be crazy about you.
-If you had another opportunity with him, you would convince him of how he should not let you go.

Possible Truth:
-He wanted sex without commitment. You pretended you wanted that too but thought something more would happen ; that he would fall in Love with you...which is the real reason you gave yourself over.
-He doesn't want even a friendship with you....just sex.
- He is UNABLE to give you the emotional validation you need.
-you are pushing him further away the more you text.

Sorry if I am being way off here or harsh in any way .......

Doodler

Perhaps if you view the obsession as stemming from delusion and tackle the delusionary aspect of your nature.

I only say this cos I realise its what I do.
I have a habit of incorporating traits of my own personality when helping analyse another's.

Lack of self Love or feeling unloved, even tho so may people Love me....often makes me latch on to a romantic delusion in an effort to fulfil this.
I am surprised I have not being sexually promiscuous....but I have stayed many years in r'ships where the other was an unworthy partner .
I control the obsession that can ensue ( or has done in the past) by realising I do not need to be Loved by another ..esp one less than me with regard to sensitivity, empathy.... morals, ethics, principles,....

I am aiming to become sooo self sufficient in Self Love that I do not need another to justify my sense of worth. All my problems stem from this lack.
There are books out there to help with this if you feel it applies to you.

Take Care.

I am exactly the same, funny how we people here are close to each other. My only regret is i will never figure it out how the real me (the mentally healthy me) was .
I do delete their number or their id on my phone to make myself not to text them or call them all the time, this way i have to wait till they text or call. Then i answer and delete them agian. But when by chance i remember the number, i know that it is over. I can't stop myself. Amd i have tendency to play the girl in love game. Even when i have no feeling to the guy i play like i am so deeply in love. I usually don't directly say i love u, but a lot of big big compliments, all of them fake.

-- Sat Nov 30, 2013 3:05 pm --

I am exactly the same, funny how we people here are close to each other. My only regret is i will never figure it out how the real me (the mentally healthy me) was .
I do delete their number or their id on my phone to make myself not to text them or call them all the time, this way i have to wait till they text or call. Then i answer and delete them agian. But when by chance i remember the number, i know that it is over. I can't stop myself. Amd i have tendency to play the girl in love game. Even when i have no feeling to the guy i play like i am so deeply in love. I usually don't directly say i love u, but a lot of big big compliments, all of them fake.