what is the psychology behind this trait?....

I cause ( for some reason ) other people to think I need them, when in fact I dont
Is it that I sense people yearn to feel needed?
Is it a charm tactic?
Is it a fake or real portrayal of vulnerability?


It is a recent discovery borne from self reflection.
People rarely 'get me' so I am not sure why I do this.....It only serves to add to my frustration with people for NOT getting me.

Occasionally, even rarely, will I authentically seek advise/help....
With most people , I find their counsel or help frustrating in its lack of perception, or its ludicrousness and revelation of how little they know/understand me... yet I give the impression I need it?

It's probably distress... maybe anxiety... maybe worry...

Hhmm, I feel like you misidentified the problem. People love the sound of their own voice as a general rule and from your vocabulary only I gather you are a highly intelligent person and I think you simply find annoying others trying to comment or give unrequited advice. This seems to me to be more of an anti-social behavior than really you creating any effect in others.
Also, when you are already on the path of introspection, people will often recognize it and those advice are kind of a way to cheer you on your healing journey. I get that too when I'm in a "fixing my life" mood, but only find it patronizing.

doodler wrote:I cause ( for some reason ) other people to think I need them, when in fact I dont
Is it that I sense people yearn to feel needed?
Is it a charm tactic?
Is it a fake or real portrayal of vulnerability?


It is a recent discovery borne from self reflection.
People rarely 'get me' so I am not sure why I do this.....It only serves to add to my frustration with people for NOT getting me.

Occasionally, even rarely, will I authentically seek advise/help....
With most people , I find their counsel or help frustrating in its lack of perception, or its ludicrousness and revelation of how little they know/understand me... yet I give the impression I need it?

I think the whole 'i need help' is fake. i have never followed any advice given to me by a friend, in fact quite often i feed him advice for him to return the same to me.

why i appear needed.. it could be to 'be liked', to 'avoid abandonement', to make sure the other person doesnt leave you, for 'attention.'

Silla

I get that too when I'm in a "fixing my life" mood, but only find it patronizing.

Extremely

People love the sound of their own voice

Yes. And often they misinterpret someone's analysing a situation objectively, as an ''offloading''....and feel they have to offer solutions when none are asked for.
Perhaps everyone does this to an extent; it is sooo irritating esp when they state the obvious .

I think I will have to start offending people by honestly saying...''I'm not looking for advice or a solution...If I was , I would ask...''
There are a couple of people on PF who's perceptions interest me, but no one in real-life.

I cause ( for some reason ) other people to think I need them, when in fact I dont

Yes it IS a misperception. I don't actually cause it but I am probably guilty for not stopping people' in their tracks ' once they start ...

.Jaus....

it could be to 'be liked', to 'avoid abandonement', to make sure the other person doesnt leave you, for 'attention.'

Hmm I don't think this applies. I have considered it.

Humans usually portray themselves as vulnerable to attract more care from others.
What they gonna do with that "more care" when they've got it... ??? It depends...
Some need to have "more care from others"... so that they can reject it...
Rejecting gives them a false... but still... sense of power... control...

Yes? No? Maybe?

doodler wrote:I cause ( for some reason ) other people to think I need them, when in fact I dont
Is it that I sense people yearn to feel needed?
Is it a charm tactic?
Is it a fake or real portrayal of vulnerability?


It is a recent discovery borne from self reflection.
People rarely 'get me' so I am not sure why I do this.....It only serves to add to my frustration with people for NOT getting me.

Occasionally, even rarely, will I authentically seek advise/help....
With most people , I find their counsel or help frustrating in its lack of perception, or its ludicrousness and revelation of how little they know/understand me... yet I give the impression I need it?

could be a control thing. Having the upper-hand in a relationship.. knowing that they may act a certain way based on your actions as to not disappoint you or let you down or irritate you.
It could be a total misconception, our brains lie to us every chance it gets; sometimes we think we are more powerful and domineering and stronger than we are and the traits we see are usually... skewed. A lot. Our ego can try and protect us and get in the way and we may feel that other people are just really into helping us... when maybe they aren't.

Asking for help is irritating as hell for me because ppl do.not.get.me. I explain things about myself like this and ppl think they know and offer stupid advice and Im all nah bro, my issues are deeper than that and then I feel "better" than them about being worse.... if thats.. anyway. One I understood more about BPD and other mental illnesses, I knew what to expect and what was what and who to talk to and I realized for the most part I am one of many dealing with the same crap in a different way. I'm rambling I'm sorry, not trying to hijack your post.

Heart of an Angel said

Humans usually portray themselves as vulnerable to attract more care from others.
What they gonna do with that "more care" when they've got it... ??? It depends...
Some need to have "more care from others"... so that they can reject it...
Rejecting gives them a false... but still... sense of power... control...

Yes? No? Maybe?

With r’ships…possibly. With friends and others, no.

Saul -

could be a control thing. It could be a total misconception, our brains lie to us every chance it gets; sometimes we think we are more powerful and domineering and stronger than we are and the traits we see are usually... skewed. A lot. Our ego can try and protect us.

or Maybe it is simply that I look like a waif and have a sad expression. Combined with being someone who breaks emotionally under certain circumstances…and someone who breaks emotionally in an uncontrolled way…(it could be at the most inopportune times and even publicly)…( although antidepressants help a lot)
To express one's self emotionally is not something I perceive as weakness but others must.
So many people who have accomplished great things in life and who have overcome challenges ARE emotional. Emotional fragility should not be perceived as weakness imo. Such people can be tougher than most.....
All of this combined means my physical appearance and emotional intensity, belies my true nature which is one of needing solitude, and one of strength and independence.

Possible Summary:People misperceive me cos of the way I look and act.
I subconsciously give the impression I need help and support…as a form of control.

Tomorrow may pose a different possible summary


saul

One I understood more about BPD and other mental illnesses, I knew what to expect and what was what and who to talk to and I realized for the most part I am one of many dealing with the same crap in a different way. I'm rambling I'm sorry, not trying to hijack your post.

Not hijacking....I relate to what you say and I agree it is important to be cautious regarding who you choose to be ''real'' with...
A disadvantage for me is I am thrown in with a lot of people thru work....and the nature of the job does not entail meeting deep thinkers, or perceptive people. I have to exert a leadership role and its hard not to let things cause me to crack.

Thanks for allowing me to indulge in such self- reflection.
To know and understand ones-self is a life-long challenge

I sometimes talk about my problems just for mental stimulation. Going into analytical mode distances me from myself. When my mental gears are turning I don't feel so emotional. They think I want practical advice because I'm not obviously venting or acting in an "emo" way, but I really don't want their advice. Some people get preachy and huffy when you poke holes in their theories and advice. That's annoying. After a while you just have figure out ways to coach the conversation so they have a way to respond, and pretend to take in their response. It's fake, but if you don't they get frustrated. Maybe this is way off base.

Frostfern -

After a while you just have figure out ways to coach the conversation so they have a way to respond, and pretend to take in their response. It's fake, but if you don't they get frustrated. Maybe this is way off base.

Yes this is what I mean.....Then they think you need them and you are allowing them to think this.? In some way
I guess the answer is to just not speak at all except to people who understand you.?
But then people assume you are shy or haughty or......an endless number of things....
Cant win...