Showing a BPD girl that you care...

Hey guys I'm in a bit of a situation. One month ago I began seeing a girl officially diagnosed with BPD. I have BPD also but with the help of medication and extensive DBT I have most of it under control.

One night when we were out she told me her life story. She's been raped many times and has cut and burn scars all over her body. Despite all of that she's a great person and I want to be with her. She still self harms and we came to an agreement that when she is feeling the impulse to mutilate to call me and talk to me about it. I really am starting to care for her because she is going through what I went through years ago. She says she gets attached quickly and is afraid of abandonment, and thats why she needs to take things slow with me and keep it casual for now. She told me she's not monogamous with me for now and is getting over her ex by having casual sex with friends. This bothered me but I figured that I need patience to help this develop and we both like each other and want to see where this goes.

One day a coworker spread rumors about me and her and told others to tell me she's seeing other guys and that I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. The coworker also talked to her and told her I was spreading rumors about her. I was worried because she didn't get back to me that night and I showed her the texts from the coworker and was worried she was going to self harm because of it. Another coworker called and consoled me. I was crying a little bit because I didn't want her to hurt herself over this workplace drama. The coworker that called me told her the next day that I cared for her and was crying/drunk over this issue. The girl then called me to make sure I was alright.

My problem is that this is making me seem too attached and I'm afraid. I denied crying and told her the truth was that I was worried she'd self-harm. Right now I know she's not monogamous with me but she says she likes me and wants this to develop and wants to trust me so I am sticking in there and we're both agreeing to pretend to be monogamous for now. We are physical with each other and its good, but I want to know if I made a mistake by being concerned over her cutting and crying about it. I think it makes me look like a wuss that will try to cage her in a relationship and become too attached. That's what I'm afraid of.

This is one I think I should leave to the ladies, here, for obvious reasons. However, on a general level, being concerned about her cutting is one thing, but drawing much attention to it is another. Cutting is one of those things that we, for some reason, like to pretend that nobody else can see. Calling attention to it may imply that you're trying to get her to open up about the reasons behind the cutting, and she may not be ready to do that just yet, so it's something you'll have to tread very lightly over.

Read the book Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

It's really good

Well, I know that for me I want to be told its ok to be myself. That I don't have to wear the mask. That I will be appreciated and accepted for me. I think that is how you do it. Thats how I fell in love. He ended up being a dick, but thats another story.