Trouble dealing with reality & loneliness

I should prolly preface by saying I'm currently dealing with fallouts from 2 relationships (was the dumper in both cases). That left me with pretty much no friends. I'm likewise a mild bpd case, probably dont have it as bad as some other, I dont rage or split all that strongly per exemple.

I'm pretty much all over the place right now, emotional trainwreck. I know I'm lazy and dissociating like MAD. My school session is going down the shitter and I dont care at all. Super apathetic. Reality just really bums me out. I have no one to talk to and my roomate seems to have suddenly decided she strongly doesnt like me anymore. I'm super depressing to be around. I dont care much about anything anymore and my "social life" resolves around talking to strangers on the internet (I long gave up trying to keep contact with old "friends" because they clearly didnt want to keep contact with me anyway) & letting random guys hit on me in bars.

Just checking facebook really depresses me and makes me feel rejected like crazy. Feeling horribly guilty about the break-ups and generally an endless pit of sad. beside most people seems to just feel sorry for me, which really pisses me off, I'd much rather everyone just hate me. M turning into an hermit

I cant even remember the last time I felt so desperately lonely. At least when I was "forever alone" I had friends who cared about me. I cant even pretend to act normal anymore, I just want to either go to sleep and never wake up or disappear and get a new life somewhere else. I feel so ungrounded.

Anyone has similar story/experience? Tips or something?