Push Away?

When you push someone away because you are afraid of getting hurt, or getting too close what does it look like?

When a person pushes me away for some reason it looks like someone is attacking me or insulting me, which is very similar to when they're attacking or insulting me for other reasons but the circumstances are ever so subtly different, lol.

whenlmeetsm wrote:When you push someone away because you are afraid of getting hurt, or getting too close what does it look like?

I think both can related, if you get too close to someone then you worry about getting hurt. I think that would be the proper context at least for me. At some point fears of abandonment kickin and that's when I meltdown. My thought process becomes "it's better to leave then be left", and then it becomes regrets and pleading for forgiveness, and when that doesn't work anger follows and it cycles back around. At that point whatever it was friendship / relationship it's over. They seem to move on rather easily and I go into depression and despair which can last a few months. It's pathetic actually. I guess I've learned now to detach, numb myself and not care. To give up one way of dysfunctional coping/thinking for another. I occasionally fvck up and allow myself to get to close to someone, but it doesn't take long before I realize not caring is better and less pathetic than trying to care. I've learned whatever it takes to be close to someone, I don't have it, and I'm not sure it's something I'm able to learn. I think I just gave a roundabout way a defining hopeless.

I occasionally fvck up and allow myself to get to close to someone, but it doesn't take long before I realize not caring is better and less pathetic than trying to care.

That is a very very bad way of looking at things (handslap)! get outta that mode.

who38 wrote:That is a very very bad way of looking at things (handslap)! get outta that mode.

That's the kind of thing I'd second but I think people are probably sick of being slapped by me.

who38 wrote:

I occasionally fvck up and allow myself to get to close to someone, but it doesn't take long before I realize not caring is better and less pathetic than trying to care.

That is a very very bad way of looking at things (handslap)! get outta that mode.

I'm not even sure I can get out of that mode. If anything it's gotten progressively worse with me. To be clear I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It just seems to be who I'm becoming.

I push away by creating a lot of chaos and drama in the rship. Jealousy has been a factor in most of my rships and looking back I think I may have done it on purpose, subconsciously. I did not mean to do it, but I must act in a seductive ways without realizing it. Because either I get men to flirt wtih me, or I flirt with them, and my boyfriends pick up on it and get jealous. Or they are all delusional. I honestly don't know.

But whenever there is no jealousy, no chaos, no fighting, tension, etc., in a relationship, I get very bored and it feels stale and stagnant. Then I get an overwhelming compulsion to do something to shake things up.

I grew up around a lot of chaos. I had a lot of abuse done to me and also witnessed abuse done to others I cared about. It was a very toxic environment. So now I don't feel at home unless I am in a toxic relationship.

I'm trying as hard as I can to get over it. With my present rship I'm trying to be the model girlfriend, to the best of my ability. My boyfriend does seem to appreciate it so far so I guess its working. I'm just hoping I can keep it up. Its a great relationship and he's treats me really well and as been really kind and helpful to me, but I know my history and my tendency to create drama. And I don't trust myself, being attracted to him probably means he's bad, probably a Narc, because I'm always attracted to that type. Maybe I just don't see it yet because I'm idealizing him. So confusing.

I hear ya. I have my own patterns I'm stuck in and can't figure out how to fix. It's frustrating.

It's difficult for me to get close to anyone. And I should add here that I want to...I definitely don't want to be alone forever....it's just so F***ing hard and I'm such a runner.

idk why, but when I say Push Away in my head it makes me think of Olivia Newton John's song Physical.