Such a hard day.

For the first time in ages I jumped out of bed by 6:45 AM, and I was genuinely excited about the day.

I got my daughter to school on time, I showered and washed my hair.

I put on make up.

That is where the entire positive parts of my day end.

I went to see the doctor from the mental health team, who seemed to finally get that I am struggling, though she then seemed unconvinced that my daughter can be given the care that she needs by me.

So the positives that I got, such as my doctor arranging for me to have more support, see a psycotherapist, new tablets, possibility of a buddy type thing, and the doctor saying that she will sign my PIP forms.
She actually thinks I need to stop trying to force myself into work. and in the new year I intend on claiming ESA or whatever it is that I could claim.

but that it all shadowed by the fact that she seemed uncertain that my daughter is cared for .

I then went to get my new script, and had to cancel the anti depressants that were on order for me. I felt terrible that someone went through the trouble of ordering me medication that I wont actually need.

I went to get a letter that needed a sig, from the post office, and I found myself waiting in line, I thought the guy in the PO saw me, so I didnt ring the bell they have, I didnt want to seem rude.
When I gave up waiting someone asked if i pressed the bell, I said no, the guy saw me, and I thought I would wait patiently.. just seems rude to ring the bell if the person knows you are there, this was followed by tuts from everyone in the que.

Im sorry. I didnt know what to do, I was on my own, I was nervous and I didnt want to come accross rude as I usually do.

I then went to pick up my bubba from school with my mum. I said hi to one of the mums. who looks at me, stops smilling and puts her head down....

The letter that needed to be signed for was from the CAB, saying I cant get a DRO, also saying that I have had the disability premium of working tax when I shouldnt have. I didnt think I got the disability premium because I didnt have the higher rate of DLA, so I didnt think I needed to tell tax credits when I stopped receiving it.

Now im in deep $#%^. or atleast I perceive that I am.

today has just had a huge black crowd over it.

Im so ###$ off.

anyone else have days like this?

I then went to get my new script, and had to cancel the anti depressants that were on order for me. I felt terrible that someone went through the trouble of ordering me medication that I wont actually need.

Why don't you need it?

Sure do...

Cause when I'm jumping out of bed at 6:45 I'm normally late!

Try to have a good night tonight - lots of deep breaths...... why no more meds?

my doctor decided it was finally time to change anti depressants.
im not entirely sure why that is all theyre giving me..
oh and the sleeping tablets..

Yes, God. I hate it when a day goes well or seems like it will go well and then it all just falls apart. Do you know that when I go to work, even if the sun is shining, I do not say that I am having a good day or will have a good day.

I take time minute by minute. I will judge after a time whether that amount of time was good or bad.

Some people would call me a pessimist but I have just learned that time is best judged afterwards.

And I hate difficult days. In Buddhism, they are taught that life is all about suffering. Big whoop. I don't like that much suffering, thanks. ALTHOUGH, I will say that I do like just a tiny bit of suffering when it makes me stronger or when I learn to appreciate something more.

But yes, I am sorry that you had a bad day. And doctors sometimes can be really stupid.

I hope that you have a better week, a better month and a better year for next year.

Happy Veteran's Day,

Catherine