No more relationship

Long story short I was in a relationship for a year and we were living together in my apartment. The relationship became emotionally and physically abusive. He went back home because I was uncontrollably moody. I decided to go through with my threat of seeing him in his home (he wanted me to wait to see him because he was afraid of me and my behavior). He called the cops on me and luckily I wasn't charged with anything, but I went to visit his parent's house and they called the cops on me and didn't press charges either. I haven't ate or slept. I sent him messages apologizing but he won't talk to me. I also see that he is on his OKcupid (which he originally made for friends) all the time. I'm very jealous and I know he won't talk to me ever again. What do I do? I'm a wreck.

what helped me was.

start caring for myself by work out, reading, writing, going for evening walks, eating healthy and different kinds of food. start seeing yourself and your body in third person. start caring for yourself

maintain a diary, so i dont repeat the mistakes i've done

dont apologize for being alive, i'd apologize a lot and this i realized i'd do cause i wanted to be perfect/noble/great guy. maintain a diary and dont repeat those errors. let go of the past

accept that there are flaws in myself. i'd put the blame on others, find out negative points in others to justify my act. accept that i aint perfect

post more regularly on this forum/speak with a friend/talk of stuff that dont involve your relation and bpd. i restricted myself an hour to cry about my challenge of bpd and guilt. for 23 hours i'd be out of it and then for 1 hour i'd consciously think about my mistakes and cry. though it still runs in the background but its better now

try living more for yourself, go out to new places, have new food, this helps cause it gives you new memories

good luck..

Going outside helps me when I'm down about my relationship. Just force yourself to go outside. The first time is very hard but do it. Then gradually force yourself to stay out longer. You can do it.