Everyone always ends up hating me

That's how I feel anyway. Everyone, everywhere, inevitable blah blah blah. The more people know of me, the less they like. I can't keep anyone. They always find out sooner or later that I'm no good.

It crushes me.

At work lately... it feels like everyone turned against me. I've been trying to get a promotion... they criticize my personality. I had ONE person sticking up for me. One person. Someone who ended up getting promoted to a manager. He said all the time he believed in me. That he would help me. And I've been trying so hard to prove myself, at this stupid effing job. And he helped me... he helped me 3/4 of the way and dropped me.

Today, I confronted upper management about my promotion. I was told they still needed to discuss it. It's been months. And when I mentioned this one managers name, they said, "he's been the only one in your corner." But... he's not. He's like everybody else.

I know it's stupid. But I came home and cried. I don't want to go back to work. I don't even want the promotion now.

Letha,

I had a similar problem some years back at my work. When I went through a particularly scary delusional period I felt that the whole office started to gang up on me, keep their distance from me. I would go home and cry almost every day after work. My co workers were mostly aware I had to go into mental health treatment, at the same time my coworker got elective gastric bypass surgery, she got all of the flowers and cards, I got the cold shoulder. I found that just looking for new jobs and touching up my resume was enough to give me the confidence to hold my head up high and not take any of their sh*t.

I also have had trouble maintaining friendships, people got sick of my drama I suppose.

Don't berate yourself over this if you can. It's not your fault. I hope you find some comfort knowing there are people on this forum who can relate to your feelings and are here to support you. PM me if you'd like.

Take care
Hugs

Thanks. It's not just work of course, but right now thats what is setting me off.

I've been working on my resume as well, applied recently to this big job opening... my coworker applied too. She got a call back. I didn't. She didn't even want it. It's discouraging.

I'm scared anyway to go to another job. As miserable as mine is, they haven't fired me. Despite my winning personality.

I have mood swings, they tell me, I'm unpredictable, I can't get along with people. Less than six months ago they had multiple people write statements against me. I wasn't allowed to read them. No one would admit anything to my face, no one would tell me what it was about exactly, they just gave me this vague written warning about harassment. Because of what? I don't even know. They just all decided to try to get me into trouble.

If I had any friends or family left, I'm sure this problem wouldn't just be at work... but they all disappeared long ago.

Me too.

No. No insurance. And... not even hopeful that I can afford it in the near future.

I was seeing a few doctors when I was younger, like 16-20 ish, off and on. On innumerable medications. It's been awhile.

I wish I could though.

I know exactly what you mean. My daughter just graduated from the Navy and I well assure that nobody gives a flying flip that that it even happened. More relative to your story, if I were sick, not a *** person would care.


I don't know if I can say this properly, but I know a bit about how people operate when another person has a personality disorder.

Essentially, we keep doing the same things over and over again......We self sabotage. As we self sabotage, what we do builds up our reputations. This creates a cycle of defeat.

Its hard to parce out what exactly is the problem with others. Sometimes, the co workers have small minds or they are ignorant about mental illness. Sometimes, co workers are nieve and scared. Sometimes, the problem is the apathy that has crept into society in general. Other times, our co workers are struggling themselves and they don't know how to deal with their own problems.

As we keep living, our disorder, in my opinion, begins to die down. As the disorder dies down, the same things we used to do we do but not as badly. People take wind of this and their perceptions are colored by these acts of self sabotage. And then of course, when we do therapy or we try to be "good" the people rebel against the "new" us and they want, for the sake of comfort, us to go back to how we were.

I really really DONT know what the answer is. I have TRIED Christianity; I have tried the 8 fold path; I have tried the Gita. The Gita helped me for about three or four years, but now it is fading because I have begun to outgrow it.

Most of my family has had to have fresh starts by leaving whereever they live. They also changed but the different environment helped.

Of course, I tend to create my own problems. I tend to stare and I tend to be clumsy. The other day I was at a Golden Corral, and I didn't have my glasses on an I couldn't find a dessert. There were kids who saw and they commented "There is the lady who did........"

And, if you stay in a certain area for a time and your deeds are known, people just respond to that and just discard what they cannot understand or don't want to understand.

All that I can say is that if you can, get away from toxic people who know your history and who trigger your symptoms. If you can get away from such people, your life can be better.

I'm ready for a change myself. I'm not saying run away from your problems, but a change of scenery does help.........a fresh start does help...............

Possibly.

Let me process this and get back to you.

It is true that you have to work on yourself first and be confident in that. It just gets hard sometimes.

I've made a lot of fresh starts. I can't even count.

And the same thing... every place I live, all the people I get to know. It turns sour. I try to look at myself to see where I'm going wrong, and genuinely I've changed in many ways. I keep trying. But it's not been enough.

I know the way I express my thoughts and feelings isn't great. I feel things but don't show it. I think it, but don't say it. I keep people at bay with sarcasm. And then too, my emotions and opinions waver so much I don't know day to day how I feel about anyone. Today, you're my friend... tomorrow, you're plotting against me. Which unfortunately is not all in my head. There certainly are some coworkers who truly don't like me. There's a lot of backstabbing at my workplace... no matter who you are, or how you compose yourself. They'll drag you in even if you stay silent. Though... I'm not one to stay silent when I'm frustrated or upset with someone. I express those feelings way too freely! It's everything else I'm no good at.

And this, I'm having difficulty changing.

Well, let me apologize for blaming others too much--I tend to do that. For sure, "tending your own garden" is really, really really important. That piece of advice is really important. And self responsiblity is indeed a weapon against BPD.

I know that, too, with the economy, it is difficult to find a *fit* and finding a *proper fit* is really important with careers.

If a person cannot find a good fit with a job, then it is always important to find a volunteering position or hobby that reflects your abilities and interests. ______________________________________________________________________

This second part is not advice--just conjecture-just "messin' around" with some thoughts.

Obviously, people are different and you have to find what works for you. And certainly, I DO NOT reccomend total isolation.

I wonder though if what a friend of mine is doing at work is a way to handle "bad press" and people hating her.

I have a friend who has gone completley underground with everything that happens to her. All of her calls are screened and she now works in privacy.

Yes...........

Lightbulb!

Can you transfer to a more protected position?! That might work!

As a matter of fact, I notice a pattern here at work. People who are different or who have issues who are good workers and are intelligent tend to be transferred when possible, to settings where they are more *protected* from the general population.

That might be the ticket.

It could be (gentle hug) that you might carry some similar issues with you whereever you go, so that, I guess is why working on yourself is so very important.
_______________________________________________________________________


Then, in my family, everyone is "weird wired" they have had to either-

-go into a protective environment (private contract work, strong family environment or academic teaching over the internet, and again strong family env.) Two siblings did this.
-move to a place where their values are reflected (LGBT/Left)
One sibling and one BIL did this.
-join the military
-travel the world

Come to think of it, even my normal, traditional, Bible following ex in laws (who are very nice people) have had to get a job away from other folks.

Extrapolate:

Cope while in the fire:
-protected status
-super self nurturance
-some slight isolation
-strong use of boundaries
-strong outer support system

Outside:
-make the goal to seek jobs either that are autonomous (paper routes, teaching on the internet, contract work in your chosen field)
-network and keep looking for jobs

Management:
-keep working iwth the therapist and p-doc
-keep updating what works coping wise
-keep updating what helps with overall functioning
-keep making the inner man stronger

I am new to this forum and just today decided my problem is BPD. I am 60 years old and lost my dream job the other day because Everyone always ends up hating me. I was there for 6 months. The worst part of my life is that everyone does always end up hating me. I want relationships with others, but I cannot keep people near me. Letha, I completely understand what you wrote. I have experienced the exact same thing. My perception is I can't see myself objectively or clearly enough to fix what I'm doing. I have decided, I am just a bad person. This last job which lasted all of 6 months, I have no idea what I did or said to sabotage it. I reached out to a counselor this morning and hope counseling might help but I am not optimistic. I have no insight or help Letha except to tell you I understand and have experienced the same thing. Sorry.