"Don't leave me!"

My fear of abandonment is HUGE!

I cannot stop saying to my boyfriend "please don't leave me". I've said this to him many times throughout our relationship. I am very attached to him and I get very attached to guys I love. Also our relationship has been turbulent so its made it harder for me to not say to him please don't leave me. He gets annoyed hearing it all the time. He said we are fine but when I say that, then suddenly, we are not fine.

Can someone help me with this? I don't know how to not say it. What do I do?!

I cannot give you any advice, because I'm the exact same way and struggle with this. But just letting you know that I relate and understand how you feel.

blank identity wrote:I cannot give you any advice, because I'm the exact same way and struggle with this. But just letting you know that I relate and understand how you feel.

Thank you Blank Identity. Sometimes, its just good to know that one is not alone!

I'm still figuring this out too. I have no sense of trust in others. I don't understand it when some days people don't talk to me. It really hurts and affects me deeply. I don't know if it's all in my head or not...

And I'm afraid to ask because all its ever done was bother people...

So I too don't know... But I'll bump your thread for an answer, because I want to know too!

Alright

I think i've learnt how to manage this one somewhat. It'll never be the same as *actually* feeling secure in a relationship but it'll at least help you build up some sort of distress tolerance if nothing else.

For me (and I'm by no means anywhere near feeling 'fixed') it's been a case of grinning and baring it.

Pretend to both him and yourself that he is of course madly in love with you and that it goes without saying he's lucky to have you.

It's one of those 'fake it to make it' things. It will most likely feel like a big fat lie, but thats ok. That's part of it. You can even turn it into a bit of a game/challenge in your head to keep it up whenever he's around.

I know this all sounds really false - but it does actually help settle things down for real too.

You have to keep reminding yourself of the facts. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you.
Keep ignoring all the *false* truths...

It's a challenge. It does get better.

This is just my way of dealing with it. I'm not saying it's perfect

xx

LittleMisBing:

this was the best advice! thank you so very much!!!!!!

btw saw your signature ... I hope Life starts at 30 cause its definitely a MESS during your 20s! I'm 25 and BPD and being in your twenties does not mix well.... at all!

noreally_imfine wrote:btw saw your signature ... I hope Life starts at 30 cause its definitely a MESS during your 20s! I'm 25 and BPD and being in your twenties does not mix well.... at all!

You said it

You know what? They always leave. Asking them not to is pointless. All that does is make us seem needy, desperate, and irritating. And it won't influence their behavior one bit.

People are going to do whatever the heck they want and there isn't a dam thing we can do about it except try to be secure enough in ourselves to not internalize it as rejection.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out a way to make my brain do that. So, in the meantime, I'm alone and abandoned and all I can do is try not to let it get to me.

They usually come back anyway, don't they? When they want something?

I feel you here, I came on here to post about a similar issue. But in this instance, all I can say is asking him not to leave is not going to stop him leaving if he was going too. So when you feel the urge to say it, give him a compliment instead, like "I really love having you around", he will respond to a comment like this positively rather than feeling annoyed at you and you will get your reassurance stil but in a much nicer scenario.

littlearcher wrote:

LilMissBing wrote:

noreally_imfine wrote:btw saw your signature ... I hope Life starts at 30 cause its definitely a MESS during your 20s! I'm 25 and BPD and being in your twenties does not mix well.... at all!

You said it

ps ladies, for what it's worth, i've only learned more about myself since 30 and though i've had my share of challenges and crises, my 30s have been a lot better than my 20s.

Thank you Littlearcher! This provides me with some kind of relief! I figured it gets better in your 30s but need someone to literally tell me this! You know how I'm always trying to figure out what I want to do with my life/careers and such, right? Many people have told me that you can't rush stuff like that, that it just takes Time to figure it out. Maybe I'll know by my 30s!