Throw away the key, please.

It's okay, and understandable, that my voice is not wanted on this site unless it were to become more encouraging or at least less... depressing? I don't know. A lot of topics I'm posting on are getting locked and when I looked back to see why, I noticed that often it's because of how I choose to respond. In my attempts to relate to others, I see that I am encouraging ill feelings and acts of self-harm with my negative viewpoint. I can't tell someone they shouldn't feel like $#%^ or hurt themselves as opposed to more concrete options. I hate it when people tell me what to do to feel better (unless I ask for their opinion). Like I haven't tried everything and so how can I assume that anyone else who feels just as #######5 hasn't also tried everything? I can't seem to change the way I think no matter what drug I take (legal or not), no matter which therapist I see, no matter how many lists I make of things I am grateful for, no matter where I choose to live or who I surround myself with, and no matter how many times I force myself to do anything for the sake of getting better. My soul is in a state of constant decay, as if there is a hex over me that cannot be broken. Rather than continue this way, only to be removed from this place involuntarily for bluntly expressing my harsh thoughts and experiences, I will remove myself. For good this time, and certainly with no hard feelings.

Littlearcher, I hope this gives you a chance to breathe a sigh of relief. You spend a lot of time moderating and you've had to be even more vigilant since I came back here. I apologize for putting you in a position where you weren't sure whether to help me by letting me share, or to help everyone else by not. You're doing the right thing and you're a good person to have around looking out for everyone.

So, how do I delete my profile? Or can a moderator just lock me out so I am not tempted to come back and cause more destruction? I would appreciate some assistance because I don't want to make anyone else feel worse. I left once before and came back because I thought I could gain something from this place, but I am spreading a lot of disdain instead.

Sorry, everyone. Don't hurt yourselves. Go to therapy. Take some doctor-prescribed life-saving glorious pills. Go for a walk. Just don't listen to me when I've said anything otherwise.

I think you're ok. This is a bpd board and these are typical bpd feelings (for me anyways). I never get triggered by any nihilistic or suicidal posts because I live with all this stuff every day. It's all already inside of me...no one else is going to make anything worse for me.

Yes typical BPD feelings.

I don't remember getting triggered about anything you have said. If it doesn't work for me I will
ignore it but not judge it.

Some of my posts can be depressing.

If I get triggered I realize its about me and not anyone else.

I don't get triggered by other people, i get triggered by music and that sort of thing, you have never triggered me.

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low right now. It can definitely be difficult to try to give to others when you're not in a position to do so. Perhaps it might be easier to try not to worry about those things and just focus on yourself? Caring for yourself when things are tough is #1.

Sorry!!