People like to hurt each other.

I do too. I want them to feel how bad I hurt. I know they only use words to get the reactions they want. They say they care and want to help you when they're afraid and want to control you.

They say they love you when they want something....money, orgasms, whatever. Language is all about manipulating your thoughts and feelings. And then they wonder at the rage, the loneliness. Isolate from a sick world and a million sick fingers accuse. Why are you judging us?

You judged me from the start. I was a child. I only knew what you told me. You taught me what I was, what I can be. I think about doing bad things, and you will judge me some more after I die. Judge my corpse, who cares.

It's hard to resist hurting people. They mostly deserve it too. I isolate from you but I still see. I see what you truly are.

I can definitely hear the pain that you're experiencing Hedon. People can be very hurtful. In my experience hurting people back doesn't get you the results you were hoping for however. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to about these feelings?

((hugs))

Why should I talk to therapist? Make me good. Nuh uh, no. Be evil! Evil is what this world is, evil thrives. You want me to be your victim? your pet? your what? Animals. We are all against each other, really. Will you give me your last drink water in the desert. Liars.

I'll be dead soon. More for you.

What of it? Everyone alone when it comes down to it. Some are lucky for a while, some not

-- Tue Oct 08, 2013 5:56 pm --

I am broken. yes. but everything is broken.

Hedon, I believe there is a part of you that cares about others and DOESN'T want to hurt them, even though your experiences in life have taught you to distrust everyone around you. If there was no part of you that believed in love, then I don't think you would have put, "May Trigger" in the subject of your last post, simply because it wouldn't have crossed your mind to care about hurting others if you were as evil as you say.

You are here, reaching out, doing the best you can with what you have inside. Right now, it happens to be a lot of hate. So, ok. You're right, a lot of people may be judging you... and I understand (a lot of people do) - likewise, you have a lot of pain to let out and most of what you say is very negative. But it's your truth. People can say a lot of things but no one can truly, ultimately judge you because it's not in their power and they don't know every thought and feeling you have inside. They only know what they see. What they don't realize is that there is so much more.

I believe in you.

I didn't warn. I care not who is "Triggered" by my pain. I am evil, uh huh. Not enough to want to live in this hell with the monsters..............you want me to live and be good? Why? Don't you know this world eats good people?

Do I want you to live and be good? Dude, I don't want you to do anything; I don't even know you. It likely won't make any difference in my life what you choose to do with yours. However, you are here on this forum for a reason, and I don't believe it's because you are evil and trying to spread hate. What is, "May trigger" if not a warning?

You're absolutely right, we are all evil, or at least we all have feelings, thoughts, and impulses that may be considered "EVIL". You are also right in your belief that you can embrace that evil to varying degrees.

What if good and evil are a lie? Then what are we?

I said I don't know you, and yet, I would like to know you. I believe you're an interesting person.

I'm not saying any of this to make you angry.

I am "interesting"........? No good, no evil?

YOU talk like them........the foul ones.

What do you want from me? I am not here to "interest" you. I am a wounded animal waiting to die. You like that? Is it fun to watch me vomit my terrible feelings here? I'm trying to get ready to die, ok?...... Can you wait til I'm dead at least before you pick at my corpse?

You're right, you're not here for me at all, and I was not trying to say that you were. I'm not trying to make you into my plaything, like a toy. I also feel like an animal waiting to die, but I don't know if for the same reasons. I feel like if I was an animal, it would be considered acceptable for me to leave the rest of my kind and die alone, because I am only bringing down everyone around me. I just didn't want you to feel alone in your thoughts.

I am trying to think of what I want from you, in response to your inquiry, but I can't think of anything I want from you. I suppose if it has to be something, then so far, it is that I just want to listen to what you have to say because you are so open. If you don't want me to respond to you anymore because it makes you more angry, then I will certainly respect your feelings.

Feeling as bad as I feel all the time and seeing others feel even worse... of course it's not fun, silly! It's not encouraging or enlightening or entertaining or anything else that starts with the letter 'e'. In fact, it's not anything good at all. But, do you know what else? It's not quite so lonely.

You may talk. I am hypervigilant........You do not add a great deal of anger to what's already inside. It makes no difference.

Yes I am obviously not totally against talk or I wouldn't be here. Mostly I am putting my thoughts down to help straighten them in prepararation for the end. I have my little vanities as others do......and I am still not quite ready. I am terribly afraid.....not the death, the dying.