Just need to vent about ex-husband*TW*

So, I just really need somewhere safe to vent. Somewhere that I won't be accused of starting drama, since the person I need to vent about has no idea this forum exists. This will probably be very long and boring to read. I just need to get stuff off my chest before I explode.

The straw that broke that camels back happened last night. My 3yr old daughter (Boo) woke up last night around 1 am crying, still not sure why, but she is fine. Well I decided to post on facebook about how she had woken up crying for reasons unknown to me and how once I got her back to sleep I was going to back to sleep myself. Well her father (my ex-husband for almost 2 years) commented "is she ok?" my reply was "Of course she is ok, I would never go back to sleep if she wasn't". I'm very aware that he was trying to appear as the concerned father to everyone on facebook which as I'm about to go into detail about he is the farthest thing from.

I have taken care of Boo since day 1, I was the one that woke up every single time she needed to be fed and changed in the middle of the night, I'm the one who has always made sure she had everything she needed and then some. All he has ever done for her is love on her after all her needs were met. Ever since we split up I have to continuously get onto him about checking on her when she is with me and actually spending time with her when she is with him, he normally just drops her off at his moms so he can go hang out with friends that are no good.

Now if I had posted this on fb I would be getting a reply from him saying, "you with hold custody, you didn't let me go to her 3rd birthday party, you complain all the time about me not having a job."

A. It's not with holding custody when you don't have a way to come pick her up and I'm not spending my gas to bring her to you.
B. Her birthday was Sept. 22, two days after you got tested for syphilis. The test results take 2 weeks to come back, I'm not taking any chances of her getting said disease. Maybe it's over reacting but I refuse to let someone who possibly has a contagious life threatening disease anywhere near my child.
C. It's your job to help support her, so get a freaking job. The reason I don't have a job currently and live with my mother is because the cost of child care would take every bit of cash I earn since my mom physically can't watch her and my fiance works constantly, so he can't watch her. I also refuse to live off the government like your family does. My fiance supports Boo and has been supporting her for the majority of this year. Not because he feels he is obligated to do so, but because he loves Boo to no end and would do anything to make sure she is happy and has everything she needs.

Now all this being said I'm starting to feel a bit better, but I'm still quite upset that Boo's father didn't call, text, or message me on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday. In fact no one in his family even tried to see her or tell her happy birthday last Sunday. But they are all the time telling the world how much the love her and miss her and how I won't let them see her. I have tried several times over the past month to bring her over to her grandmothers house to visit. I invited every single one of them (except her father once I found out about said disease) to her birthday celebrations, no one responded or gave me a reason for not showing up.

Now while typing this I do feel very childish, I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. But if I was doing something wrong I'm pretty sure my mom would have said something by now. She knows about everything that goes on. I don't want to keep Boo from her father I want them to have a great relationship, but he makes it increasingly difficult to let him see her and trust that she will be ok when she is in his care. He has done some very crappy things to my mother and me, but I try to put those aside so he can have a relationship with his daughter.

I will be 23 in November and I feel like I'm constantly being brought down to the level of a teenager because of all the petty stupid crap that gets started with my ex-husband and his family. If I don't give them their way I am automatically made out to be some horrible person trying to be spiteful and mean for the fun of it. Now don't get me wrong I have made a few mistakes and said a few things I shouldn't have said, but it was out of anger and I have always apologized for my behavior and tried to make it up to them.

I'm pretty sure my BPD plays a big role in how I handle these situations, but I always try my best to not fly off the handle and stay calm, for the sake of Boo. All I want in this world is to give my daughter the best life possible.

Thanks for letting me vent, sorry it's so long, and don't feel bad if you don't actually read it, it won't hurt my feelings.

I have read it. Your ex is very selfish.

but I'm still quite upset that Boo's father didn't call, text, or message me on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday. In fact no one in his family even tried to see her or tell her happy birthday last Sunday. But they are all the time telling the world how much the love her and miss her and how I won't let them see her.

I have an ex (NPD) like this. He rarely bothers to see his children even though he lives locally, its very hurtful to them.
He tells everyone how much he loves them, tries to see them, and its all BS.
You sound like a good mum, Boo's a lucky little girl.

Is it worth bothering with your ex at all, he sounds useless.

First, thank you for reading it all.

The only reason I haven't completely taken him out of her life is that we are still going through divorce proceedings and I don't want him to have anything to use against me. I mean I shouldn't be worried, I have a mountain of things that will be brought up against him to make sure the court has the full story and makes the best decision for Boo. But I am also more than willing to fess up to any of my short comings and anything he brings up against me, I'm not trying to hide anything. I'm hoping for full custody, so I can move out the state I'm currently in because I don't feel the education system and such are up to the standards I have for my daughter. I also am not trying to replace her father with my fiance, she calls my fiance by his name and knows that he isn't daddy. I will always tell her who her father is and will always be more than willing to let her see him if she wants to.

I'm just so frustrated. And at a lose for what to do.

Instead of starting a new thread I'm going to post my rant here because it's the same topic.

He is so freaking stupid. Like beyond help stupid. I'm so fed up with his crap, it's just one excuse after another mixed in with a few lies here and there because he thinks I'm going to fall for them. I can always double check everything he tells me and most of the time I do. I understand I kept him from seeing Boo on her birthday, but that was for her safety because he possibly had contracted syphilis. Which the results came back as negative, but I still stand by my decision to keep him from her until we knew for sure. Even Boo's doctor told me I was right to make him stay away from her until the results came back.

His reply as to why he didn't wish his daughter a happy birthday.

I posted about her birthday on facebook wishing her a happy birthday at 130am that morning figured you would have gotten that and how was i supposed to text idk if you get my texts through your phone because whenever i text i never get a response back so i get a hold of you on here this is the only fullproof way i know i can get in contact with you and sometimes even then you dont say $#%^ back so i posted wishing her happy birthday and wished jeremy a happy birthday, figured you would have read it

My reply to his message which took me a minute to decode because of the horrid grammar and spelling.

Unlike most people I don't stalk people's facebook pages, but I just checked your page and there's not a single post about her birthday. I reply if it is necessary and if I feel like dealing with your excuses and horrible grammar/spelling. Which you telling her happy birthday I would have replied to. I don't reply to texts from you because they are from random people's cell phones, which I prefer your random people to not have my number.

He is so freaking stupid. Like beyond help stupid. I'm so fed up with his crap, it's just one excuse after another mixed in with a few lies here and there because he thinks I'm going to fall for them. I can always double check everything he tells me and most of the time I do.

Sounds like he is the one with a PD. Is he a narcissist maybe he's very selfish and lazy.

I have always somehow ended up with PD partners. Sigh.

I'm surprised you are only 22 you sound sensible, mature for your age,

Yeah, the argument went further than what I posted last night, I ended up on my typical stance of telling him the way he is living isn't good for a child to be around and that I don't approve of the way he is living and that I'm aware he isn't going to get a job any time soon. He went to his typical stance of not seeing why he should have to help pay for Boo since he only sees her two weekends a month, but that he makes sure she has what he deems as necessary when she is in his care. Also stating that I shouldn't judge his life and tell him how to live.

It's all just one vicious cycle. He wants to live a wild and free life, while I live a conservative life (i.e. I rarely leave the house other than to shop, I don't do anything that could possibly get me in big trouble, I stay away from toxic people) and feel he needs to live a more conservative life for Boo's sake.

I'm just waiting for the day that he stands in front of the judge and says he can't pay child support because he doesn't have a job. If he thinks I'm mean, he has another thing coming when it comes to dealing with a judge who has no sympathy for a dead-beat.

By the way he is batsh*t crazy, but he says he can't go to the doctor (there are free mental health clinics, I was going to one earlier this year) because he lost his medicaid when we split up because I refuse to lie to the government. Plus he can't stop lying long enough for the doctors to give him a real diagnosis.