Coping with broodiness

It is an absolute nightmare for me but it seems every year at around about summer time I start feeling really broody and desperately want to get pregnant. I know this is normal for women to feel this way but I can't deal with it and I think that is because of my BPD. I have trouble dealing with very strong emotions like this. In 2010, at 17, I begged my boyfriend to get me pregnant. I emotionally blackmailed him with suicide threats. He did, I got pregnant, I miscarried. In 2012 I was with my abusive ex, who has DID and I knew in my head he was a massive risk to children as he had been abused himself and was physically abusive to me and abused my pets but again, when this feeling came over me, I just had to be pregnant. He didn't take much convincing and we started trying. I got a false positive which looking back it a such a good thing it was false as I've recently reported him for the abuse and want nothing to do with him. Now its back again. Now I'm living with 'the one' and we are in it for the long run, we can't afford a baby nor is he ready but it's starting to come on super strong again and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. It's even harder to deal with when I've had a miscarriage and I just miss my baby every day. When people are pregnant or having babies or have toddlers around me it's so hard to deal with. In 2010 I was feeling so strongly that I actually wanted to die. I said I emotionally blackmailed my ex with suicide threats but the threats were genuine. I felt like if I didn't get pregant soon I would kill myself. I'm just so scared of feeling this way because I can't deal with it! :l

Kaz x

Hi Kaz,

I can definitely relate to the broodiness and problems with it. It's great that you've been able to look at some of the background for this. Have you worked out why the broodiness comes on so strong for you in the first place and what about the summer it is that triggers it? I don't know if you were ever able to get a T but have you talked to any of your alters if they know why or if some of it is coming from them? I know I have parts that are very broody and while it's difficult to handle, it's been easier after I've been able to more accurately understand what the need is about for them and the trauma that has often related to it.

Have you been honest with your new SO about this pattern in you so that he can be better prepared to say no, if that is what is best? It might be good to have some open communication about this before it gets too complicated or emotionally charged to be able to do so.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've experienced the same kind of loss twice and the pain of that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Sending lots of healing thoughts.

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. I would very very much consult all of the personalities within on this; they are all important and all a part of you and they need to decide and be able to have an equal say in all matters, and I mean this with all seriousness. I don't know how this is facilitated but the therapist should attempt to assist with that.


I have seen my family, which is 100% mentally ill, heal themselves with something that interests them. I am very very serious on this. Even if these interests change, the beauty of the interests and passions of a positive type is that one can help the next discipline.

Whether you are an artist, a shamanic person/counselor type, a writer, a computer technical person, a dancer, a veternarian---there is something out there for you.

Take care of you and get better. Once better, choose a direction. If you want, take some time and travel or take a few courses at a community college or just do a year of volunteering. But after that, choose something you really like and go for it. Yes, disciplines will change. One sister of mine did dance and now does ( very small time staff attorney stuff) law. The flexibility in dance steps is applied to the flexibility in law.

Healing steps. Slow steps. Therapy. Nutrition. Lots of art. Staying away from dangerous people. Going for things you believe in (animal rescue, the environment, mental health advocacy on your terms, free Leonard Peltier, Amnesty International, etc).

When or if the time is right, if you choose to have a child, then do so. First, take care of you and follow the desires of your heart--the things that you enjoy doing and are good at. Heal.

I have DID, and I would never have a child with this condition, it would be irresponsible. I've had an IUD in since my teens as I couldn't think of anything worse than bringing a child into my chaotic life.

And if you allowed your boyfriend to abuse your pets, that shows to me that you would not protect a child and put your own needs above theirs. Children and animals are innocents and I can't understand how you could stay with someone who did that to your pets. I loathe people who abuse animals, or let others abuse them. I have no sympathy with victims who become abusers themselves, they should know better.

Would you be able to take care of a child? I know I am too dissociated and unpredictable to look after myself, let along a baby. Sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves and think of how we affect other people. Every child deserves a loving and stable upbringing.

At Cate says, try and get something that would interest you. I do a lot of work with animals, it also puts my problems into perspective, as they are not able to communicate and need others to advocate for them. Anything that gets you thinking about other issues other than your own is a good idea.

Ask yourself, is this 'real' broodiness i.e hormonal, or a desperation to have something that will love you unconditionally? Because if that's the case, then you need to heal yourself first and find a 'real self' and build up good coping skills.