i am very tired of myself

i want to go away, in a new place. whenever i see any friends, i break down and act like a baby and i'm fed up of myself. how can i act like a child all of a sudden. i feel pathetic at myself, i want to go..is there anyway to toughen up, i am tired of having nervous break downs again and again

Maybe there is a trigger that is making this happen. I know that it is corny and repetative to say "How about seeing a counselor?" but it might help.

my therapist says i am too hard on myself. she says i should stop comparing my lives with others, that i should stop thinking everyone is pitying me.

warning may trigger

one day she checks my temperature by placing her hand on my forehead. she opened her mouth in shock, and jumped up the ceiling, i asked what. she climbed down the wall, sat on the chair and had a glass of water. she then took a few deep breathes and said, 'i'm afraid i have some bad news.'

i closed my fist like closed a lever that pumped energy up my neck and moved my jaw to say, 'whats the matter doc.'

'i'm afraid you're what they call,' she looked at the camera, it zoomed in on her and she said, 'i'm afraid you're what they call...a vampire.'
then lightening struck and boom boom boom, loud music signalled the ending of season 1

see...i find myself weird, its just i cant stop having these weird thoughts and live in a parallel world, or want everyone to laugh at my jokes

It sounds like your therapist was trying to be lighthearted, but she may have gone too far. I would have freaked.

You probably are too hard on yourself, but I know how you feel about child-like behaviors and friends.

Hugs,,

CH

thanks for replying. i'll get some sleep now..

Hello Jaus.

Your thread title made me smile and lured me in. Until I read it....

I relate to the title though in a different manner. I too am tired of myself because I always want someone else's life. When I reflect on my life I think this is it. All there is. I begin new projects or hobbies on a consistent basis only to be bored or find myself not being able to perfect it as I envision in my head. I can never seem to achieve my own expectations.

I have friends but I keep myself distant.

I understand when you write that you want to go away to a new place. I spent years doing just that. That was my solution. Run/Change. Thing is every new place I went there I was. Eventually the same cycles. This time I couldn't run. Not without sustaining a loss that I am unwilling to lose.

I wish I knew of something to say that would help you to toughen up. For whatever reason maybe you just aren't there yet. Maybe you still need to mourn. Maybe you still need to talk. Maybe you are just still working it all out in your thoughts.

I agree with your therapist though that you are most likely too hard on yourself. Strength comes from within Jaus. It can be the anger. The sorrow. The emptiness.

It can be the hurt.

Strength is standing up for yourself. Even when that requires standing up against yourself.