Nope. Not going to do it again

This time will be different. With another failed relationship newly behind me I'm swearing not to go back to the old ways. I will not jump right into another relationship to avoid being alone. I will not turn to one night stands and heavy drinking to disociate. I will not cut myself to numb my painful feelings, overwhelming feelings.

It's my hope that by avoiding this behavior it will get easier over time to keep myself in check and begin the healing process....a process that has been a long time coming.

Has anyone else on the forum been able to do this? If so were you able to keep it going without a relapse?

I really need help with this.

NightBreed wrote:Has anyone else on the forum been able to do this? If so were you able to keep it going without a relapse?

No. I have tried, and I always end up back into the same old behavior. I have a relationship right now that is on the brink of ending for good because of it.
It's funny because of another post that talks about emotional vampires, it is something I relate to a lot, and something I have done more times than I can count. Goodness knows why he has stuck around this long.
For me, no, I can never resist my behavior for long. The compulsions are too strong, especially when I sense him pulling away (or feel like he's ignoring me or worse, will leave me), all bets are off at that point. I have resorted to drastic measures in the past to keep people around, the usual manipulations.
As usual, my relationships always at some point get very turbulent, and either has them leaving, or me eventually getting bored of them and I end up leaving (only to find another source of attention and affection/love, then rinse/repeat).

I guess controlling how you act in a relationship is only the surface part and shouldn't have to include not being honest about how you feel at any moment. I know people may feel some aspects of some disorders are not the same as other issues but I think compulsions are always there for a reason, so hopefully understanding them in more depth (or processing that meaning on an emotional level) can eventually begin to help.

I desperately tryingto uit smoking ( ordinary cigarettes) and failing Again and Again just after a day or two..Is it in general possible to do it having hard time at the same time?

I feel guilty and absolutely weak-willed((

I guess it really is about impulse control and discociation. I know that my problems stem from early life trauma and it feels like I keep punishing myself over and over again for being hurt and not being able to have healthy relationships, fearing I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

But it does feel different this time around, like I'm finally becoming aware of why I do this, does it make it any easier to stop? We'll see...

Thanks guys

NightBreed wrote:Has anyone else on the forum been able to do this? If so were you able to keep it going without a relapse?

I really need help with this.

This time... maybe try this... when you are in pain...
in pain you usually perceive as unbearable...
make yourself to think it is bearable...

Do it, and this time it will be different.

NightBreed wrote:Has anyone else on the forum been able to do this? If so were you able to keep it going without a relapse?.

I have, in the past, tried confronting the pain and suffering I've experienced. I have turned to destructive behaviours such as starving myself, binge eating, overdoses, self-harm, an addiction to a painkiller which I still have and returning to someone who was abusive time and time again. I guess, deep down, I have little or no self-worth. This is why I always end up relapsing.

I applaud your post and desire to confront your emotions/feelings because right now, I can't. Stay strong, be brave and feel free to private message me any time you like.

God bless.

LondonGuy

This has been my pattern my entire life. I just ended it.

What is helping me is DBT, a book called Facing Love Addiction and Facing Copdependence. Meditation seems to help a LOT. I am thinking of going to a women's Love Addiction 12 step meeting. I have a problem of having affairs and it can't happen again. I'm thinking I should work on the deeper stuff BEFORE i have an impulse to act out again. THere is also a book called Emotional Clearing that I"m reading. It's written by a Psychologist who uses East/West techniques for healing. It makes a lot of sense to me. It's hard to explain. But the focus is on stopping the suppression of emotions, allowing us to feel them without judgement and then letting them flow through our body. IN the end we are able to process our emotions and accept ourselves.

What is hard for me is I have an automatic impulse to harm myself with the acting out with men, food, negative thoughts, procrastination. It's because I feel unworthy and I withdraw because of it. So perhaps affirmations to release unworthiness. Yet the meditation seems to take care of it too.

I thought for many years that I deserved to have sex with other men due to the pain I"m in and the trauma I went through in the past. But I wasn't realizing that the behavior was hurting me and causing me to lose who I am even more.

We deserve this alone time. We are worth it.

My behavior only improves when my relationships end. Once I've nearly destroyed me and the other person trying to push them away/keep them/win them back, and they've had enough of me and I've had enough of fighting for a lost cause, I can finally begin healing. It takes a long time. Weeks. Months. This is good for me. I retreat into my fantasy world and focus on my art, and how I regard others is almost sociopathic. I don't care about anything or anyone past what they can do for/give me. I don't mutilate myself but I still need physical pleasures in order to feel. I'm no longer interested in sex at that point, but will indulge in my own body solo very frequently.

It sucks, but dissociating seems to be a good thing for me. It's all I do when I'm at my best, which is probably why I only vaguely remember times of my life where I wasn't miserable the way I am now. Then someone comes along and for reasons I never understand, I become obsessed with them. It's a choice between being attached to a person and going crazy, feeling insecure, needing them and making every hour another drama, or being alone, content, detached from the world and superficial.

The latter is the least painful option for me. I honestly see no gray area. I think after this time, I'm going to avoid romantic and sexual relationships altogether. Become a celibate loner with superficial relationships with people I would never bring to my house.

I feel pathetic...

I do the same exact thing havoctoria. I'm in "obsessed" mode now and driving myself insane with stuff