Birthdays (maybe TW)

Am I alone in absolutely hating my birthday? Not just because I'm getting older, but I think that there is no happy medium between people saying happy birthday and people ignoring me. That I don't want any attention, but want some people to acknowledge it. It could be that I don't want people to go out of their way for me. For example, I'm okay with a day with my dad, but nothing more than that. As soon as the lit candles in a full restaurant come out I'm automatically uncomfortable. To note, this has been done every year with my dad for the last 15 years or so. I also feel like everyone who tries to celebrate my birthday, I feel obligated to celebrate theirs and it can add up.

Yesterday I "celebrated" my 27th and after going into work and everyone saying happy birthday I went into shut down mode. I work in a school where everyone tries to find some excuse to celebrate something, and I was lucky enough my coworkers in my classroom didn't announce it to everyone, upon my wishes, but they tried to by bringing out a cupcake with a lit candle which prompted a lot of happy birthdays. I should also say that it was a vegan cupcake, which I had just explained to my coworkers that I'm semi vegetarian but bake vegan. I feel somewhat bad though because when I got home my roommates wanted to celebrate too. Instead I went to my room, SI'd, ignored all calls and texts, and went to sleep early. I just really hate my birthday and hope I'm not alone. I don't even know why I'm like this. I don't want to sound like a Debbie downer, and I should be grateful, but I just hate it.

Birthdays are full of confusing emotions, on the one hand i want to forget it's even happening, dont want the reminder of getting older and achieving nothing blah blah but at the same time, it just being another day is depressing too u_u
Once upon a time i used to look forward to them >_< unbelievable.

^^ also had 27th recently
*hugs*

I certainly know what you mean.

Last year I accused my SO of "ruining" my birthday. I wish I could take that back. I now see that I was taking out my own insecurities and feelings of isolation on her.

In a month I'm turning 30. I've been dreading it for so long. Somebody once said to beware the lead-up to 30, because people tend to go crazy over all the things they think they were supposed to have achieved by then. So I spent some time writing about all the things I've achieved, and how glad I am I'm not trapped by the mortgage and children all my old friends seem to have decided they need.

My plan for my 30th birthday is to spoil myself and not rely on anyone else to make it a "special day".
I'm gonna treat myself to a haircut, a professional massage, and a little shopping, then spend a little time with my SO.

I'm tired of making other people responsible for my feelings.

I had alot of difficulty with my birthday as a child. I would be fine and happy when we were playing games and opening presents, after that however, one of either two things would happen: I would either bawl my eyes out when I was blowing out the candles, or I would throw a huge temper tantrum; screaming, sometimes hitting myself. This would even happen in front of departing guests.
It went away eventually and by my teens my birthdays went smoothly. I thought when I hit 30 it would be the end of the world, but in the end it turned out to be just another day for me. Even now that I'm older I still feel the same; I'm honestly happy with just a brief phone call or text from someone sending me best wishes.

Still don't understand those crying outbursts and temper tantrums when I was younger...

I hate my birthday too but because I never feel as though the attention I receive is enough. I always want every single person I associate to remember that it's my birthday or else I don't feel validated. No matter how expensive the presents, if the attention goes off of me for a second, it's never enough.

I just had my 47th birthday recently. I decided not to tell anyone because i don't want the anguish from having no one do anything for me. I've done this before and it worked out well. The day was a little sad, but at least i didn't have the despair of knowing no one cared... because no one knew.

I have tried putting on a little celebration for myself by bringing in cupcakes to my drop-in and having everyone sing me Happy Birthday and blowing out a candle. I really liked that but this year our leader has cracked down on bad food in the drop-in so i couldn't even do that.

I thought of buying one of those new fresh fruit bouquets but they are about $80 and it's not that important and besides, celebrating with cantaloupe just doesn't cut it for me. I had planned on bringing in a gorgeous black forest cake from the bakery before the crack down, but i couldn't bear to challenge our leader as we have tangled lately and i don't want to attract her ire again so soon.

Only one person asked about my birthday and it was a man who is challenged. He spied my name in the list of birthdays this month in our drop-in newsletter and asked when it was. I just told him i was not going to say, and he dropped it. So that was it for this year.

It's better to have no celebration than a mediocre celebration or one i have to create myself. It's just another day. My mom gave me swell birthdays when i was young. I loved the loot bags! I have many pleasant memories of happier birthdays, practically going mad with excitement! That's enough.

My birthday is on Christmas Day. It's a rare occasion when it is remembered. Not even a cake with Christmas dinner. Last year was my 40th. Nothing. Though all of my cousins had huge surprise parties for theirs.

A lot of my friends are celebrating their 40th birthdays this year, with trips to Hawaii, a spa, Europe, big parties, etc., but mine just came and went. I always thought that when I grew up and got married my husband would think my birthday was something to celebrate. I'm still waiting to grow up and get married.

So yeah, I hate my birthday. It just exacerbates how insignificant I feel.