How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

I know you aren't trying to just have a one up battle, and I know that well. we each have our own problems. yours just so happen to match mine. it spoke to me. everything that you said is something that has happened to me. just add more suicides and overdoses and you have me.

I keep thinking that something will go right somewhere. that is all I am hoping for. I hope that my job gives me a chance, but I doubt they will.

and that paranoia. dear sweet jeezus that is me. down to the T. just add my parents know what the hell is going on and they are pissed and waiting for me to come home so they can rip my ass up. ugh...

yeah. emotional unstable personality disorder has pretty much made everything harder. but why did it only show up after I got friends. why not while I was a kid and friendless?

eh. nothing I can control now.

I'm glad that what i said was relatable, I was worried I would end up nattering on about myself without it being helpful and end up seeming selfish.

Oooh I know yeah, I feel much better when I'm alone. Symptom-wise anyway, but then I just feel empty. It seems like a lose lose, stay alone and you're relatively stable but empty inside, reach out to the people and feel better but full of anxiety and fear and other symptoms. I think that's the nature of BPD/EUPD, though, interpersonal triggers are the biggest triggers and tend to lead to the most problems.

I do hope it gets better for you soon. That's always something to hold on to. Hope can be disappointing at times but it does eventually pan out. This is a picture I like to look at when things feel hopeless (and quite often things did get better soon after, so the picture turned out to be true for me):

until the breakup, I really didn't have interpersonal triggers per se. I mean, yes. friends and them leaving were a large trigger. what they think was a huge trigger (yay social anxiety). then that happened... I still haven't been in any other part of my apartment...

I await the time when I do everything right and strike diamonds. until then, I will make due with the coal I have

Ah, I see. Was this your first relationship by any chance or was it a really significant one?

I don't think you need to be able to do everything right to strike diamonds. No one's perfect. And everything you've struggled with, you came by honestly...it's really tough to handle situations in an ideal way even when you have good resources and coping mechanisms at hand. I believe you did the best you could, with what you had.

I have to head to bed now but if you want to talk further feel free to PM me anytime. I hope tomorrow is less #######5 for you.

first relationship. I even moved in with her.

I will pm you. thanks cuboneman

t-i-r-e-d

i can feel how my life force is being sucked out of me

I hate this!!! I hate being this way.

what's up? cuboneman?

Just my irrational sense of worthlessness and abandonment issues kicking up again and affecting my job before I even get back. Sent you a PM.

I just wish I could have my BPD leave at least ONE part of my life alone you know? Sometimes I feel like every day involves some sort of suffering and I'm tired of always feeling that way, I just wish I could be happy for a while without any of this.

if I could make a wish, I would certainly wish that BPD didn't exist, even if I can only make it for a fortnight. just so that we all can finally relax for once.

and I am still having issues with trying to control regulations and this stupid abandonment problem.

I know you will make it through this.