How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

I feel horrible. I miss my BPD wife terribly.

I am a non-bp man. I married a BPD woman I work together with in 2010 after a year of dating. For the most part, she could be calm and peaceful as long as nothing rocked the boat. But, if she felt the slightest bit out of whack she would display all the typical characteristics. In 2012, she had a neck and back surgery and her mental state deteriorated very rapidly. I tried to hold things together, but I ended up in a severe depression myself. By March of 2013 she had moved out into her own house.

The whole time we were together, she had a backup guy ready to go. By 2014, she had moved from her house in Indiana to Canada to be with him. She married him in February of 2015. That lasted until summer of 2015 when she back came to Indiana and bought another house. They remained married.

I went no-contact after she returned to Indiana and was working in the office again. Because I was ignoring her, she began hitting me with personal attacks such as showing HR text conversations we had on a weekend or manipulating other employees to report me to HR.

About two weeks ago I started communicating with her again. She immediately switched from hating me to loving me, though she is still married to the man in Canada. When she asks me to come up to her desk, she sometimes takes off her wedding ring.

The level of anxiety generated by having that connection with her again, yet she is still married to the man in Canada is almost impossible to bear.

I still love her and care about her. There were periods of time where she was an absolutely wonderful wife, usually when she was not idealizing me.

I am lost, I don't know what to do.

Echinacea wrote:To become stronger i had to be completely broken.
For you to go on auto pilot is bloody brilliant well done you

It feels like your on the mend now, your situation has changed recently so ofc your going to see your reactions to things change to

Im really happy for your happier situations ..happy healthy thoughts ..brilliant

Thanks! I love what you've said there, that to become stronger you have to break first. I'm starting to see that there is a lot of truth to that.

jonathanmt wrote:I feel horrible. I miss my BPD wife terribly.

I am a non-bp man. I married a BPD woman I work together with in 2010 after a year of dating. For the most part, she could be calm and peaceful as long as nothing rocked the boat. But, if she felt the slightest bit out of whack she would display all the typical characteristics. In 2012, she had a neck and back surgery and her mental state deteriorated very rapidly. I tried to hold things together, but I ended up in a severe depression myself. By March of 2013 she had moved out into her own house.

The whole time we were together, she had a backup guy ready to go. By 2014, she had moved from her house in Indiana to Canada to be with him. She married him in February of 2015. That lasted until summer of 2015 when she back came to Indiana and bought another house. They remained married.

I went no-contact after she returned to Indiana and was working in the office again. Because I was ignoring her, she began hitting me with personal attacks such as showing HR text conversations we had on a weekend or manipulating other employees to report me to HR.

About two weeks ago I started communicating with her again. She immediately switched from hating me to loving me, though she is still married to the man in Canada. When she asks me to come up to her desk, she sometimes takes off her wedding ring.

The level of anxiety generated by having that connection with her again, yet she is still married to the man in Canada is almost impossible to bear.

I still love her and care about her. There were periods of time where she was an absolutely wonderful wife, usually when she was not idealizing me.

I am lost, I don't know what to do.

Sorry man, that sounds like a nightmare. I can understand why you would miss her and still feel love for her, but from where I'm sitting it sure sounds like you could do better. Is there any way you could switch jobs? It's not fair to you for her to be so back and forth, sabotaging you one moment and loving you (and therefore tugging your heart strings) the next.

witchessabbath wrote:Sorry man, that sounds like a nightmare. I can understand why you would miss her and still feel love for her, but from where I'm sitting it sure sounds like you could do better. Is there any way you could switch jobs? It's not fair to you for her to be so back and forth, sabotaging you one moment and loving you (and therefore tugging your heart strings) the next.

I probably could switch jobs, but there is a part of me that can't bear to completely disappear from her life.

@Witches,
no words just a smile for you

@jonathanmt
Im so sorry that you have been treated this way, and i understand the pull you have with her and it can be intense, we try to find a way through and sometimes no-contact works for some and not for others ..i hated no-contract i wanted to know "why" but i never got closure with my ex ...he even deleted me from our chat programs after i moved out. then he added me back ..i saw him adding me back but said nothing..i wanted so much to type to him it was terrible i never thought i would be-able to refrain from doing it ..but i managed, i distracted my brain to only think of the bad times (i had too) to get through it.

I know its hard i really do, but you will find the strength within and you will do whats best for you.

you will find tips and coping stills here from people that have been exactly where you are and the good thing here is its not reports and stats we are real people with real experience of these issues

So welcome to the forum

I feel like $#%^, cuz still after years can't get over her...

I feel really bad about what I said about my parents the other day They are so helpful to me and nice to me now. Their helpfulness and generosity is amazing. I must be such a spoiled brat I feel so bad and guilty, well at least I never say anything like that to them. I only get in bratty venting mood sometimes, but that is the beauty of an anonymous forum, I guess

I'm feeling pretty good right now I suppose. I don't think I'm feeling anything bad, so that must be good right? I had an appointment with a guy yesterday and at the end, I asked him how he perceived me. He hesitated because we'd only just met, but that's why I asked. I wanted to know his first impression, because I have no idea how I come across to people. I just see how they behave towards me when I do or say certain things. He said some good stuff, but he's worried about my aspirations because he thinks I can do anything I want. I can go either way and whatever I do, I'll be very good at it, whether I'm a student, a doctor, a builder, a businessman or a hardcore criminal. It is interesting how he viewed me and how honest he was about it. But I think he's right to be concerned

@ADHD-HP
Sometimes it does take years sorry to say, hope it gets easier

@jag
Venting is the best way as you know, then we don't hurt them unnecessary.
Try not to feel bad, its the healthiest way to do it and they don't know, so try not to punish yourself
Sometime we can act "brattish" been there to.

@shaved
Sometimes we dont get the answers we want, but im glad your pleased

I'm feeling really pissed off. I'll have to get really drunk to get through this tonight.

I feel kind of good. Maybe its this glass of wine I had (and its not even noon yet)

But I feel relaxed and contented. Glad my life is how it is right now. I've streamlined things so that I have very little stressors to deal with. No boyfriend, no 9-5, no kids, and feel very grateful to be able to be in that situation. (If I had angelic kids, that could be different)

i'm usually constantly anxious and/or angry, but I hope I can stop that somehow. there is no real need to dread the future. but i'm stuck in that flight/fight mode. most of the time. always feel like something horrible is about to happen. kind of sucks. I guess that's why the wine helps

anyways but for the moment I feel relaxed

btw thank you for saying that Ech