why do we want to be perfect

i dont about you'll but i have a major part to be perfect..like major desire to be perfect but why..

are most of you'll too hard on yourself..i've been told, i'm too hard on myself, dont crucify yourself, let it go...there is this desire to be all white...its like i'm a hypocrite..i dont see any challenges in others, i see that the only problem is with me

like if ligthening strikes a rotten tree, it's the tree's fault for not being strong enough..so i'm the rotten tree..

Maybe we try to be perfect because we think we will be accepted more, not abandoned (how could someone abandon perfection) and our lives will be easier- when in fact, that's not the case.

We'll never be perfect, no one will. We can strive to be the best we can be, and that is all we can do.

I used to be very hard on myself as well; everyone told me that. I never felt good enough and compared myself to others. Comparing is poison. How can you judge a fish's ability to fly or a cat's ability to speak? Everyone and everything is unique and different and wonderful.

What I've found helped me was making a list of things I am good at- anything small or big!
If you have trouble making a list, think about what other people compliment you on, what you enjoy doing. Because you're so used to it, you may not think you're good at something in particular (like listening to people for example) because it comes natural to you,but for someone else, they may look up to that because they have a hard time with that.

Yeah, I used to be very much like that. I think the need for perfection appears in the absence of self-acceptance. With "perfection" it's not you that's all good it's all the things around you and about you that are (including your personality) whereas with self-acceptance it's you, yourself, that is good enough and you don't have to add external things like looking good or being talented or always saying the right thing etc'

the examples make a lot of sense..cat's ability to speak. yes, i do have major problems getting accepted

I think it definitely has to do with the need for approval and the fear of abandonment. Maybe you think being perfect means people will accept you and need you.

However, for what its worth I have found small flaws in people to be endearing, more so than perfection. It might seem counterintuitive, but when I notice someone is just human, down to earth, natural, and doesn't seem so perfect, it endears them to me more, it makes them seem real, and more relateable. Perfect people intimidate me, and make me want to bring them down.

justagirl00 wrote:However, for what its worth I have found small flaws in people to be endearing, more so than perfection. It might seem counterintuitive, but when I notice someone is just human, down to earth, natural, and doesn't seem so perfect, it endears them to me more, it makes them seem real, and more relateable. Perfect people intimidate me, and make me want to bring them down.

How true is this! I never really thought about this- but it is so true. Those little quirks are very endearing.

Quite the paradox- one wants to be perfect so not to be abandoned, yet perfect people intimidate us.

but if you accept the flaws as they are then you wont improve..you'll be stagnated, right

jaus tail wrote:but if you accept the flaws as they are then you wont improve..you'll be stagnated, right

Well, I feel like it's about balance.
While we can't be "perfect", if there are things you want to work on that you know you can improve in your life, then that's great!

But the rotten tree struck by lightning couldn't move-not because it didn't want to, but it physically couldn't- some things in life we can't change, so we just have to radically accept them and love ourselves unconditionally.

i dont about you'll but i have a major part to be perfect..like major desire to be perfect but why..

I think you if ask yourself the question, "If you were perfect your life would be better in what way" my guess is the answer would look something like this...

I think the need for perfection appears in the absence of self-acceptance. With "perfection" it's not you that's all good it's all the things around you and about you that are (including your personality) whereas with self-acceptance it's you, yourself, that is good enough and you don't have to add external things like looking good or being talented or always saying the right thing etc'

The keyword, I think, in all of that is "external". I also think it goes beyond what was written above and would include a lack of identity. We don't know or like who we are as a person and then look for external things to fill this void. In my opinion, it will never work because that void has to be filled from within and not from an external source. My guess is you could go from being perfect in one thing, and move on and be perfect in something else and you'll still not be satisified, because you really haven't changed anything within you. You've accomplished something but the core person of who you are remains unchanged.

I guess what I struggle most with, as an adult, is how do I form a stable identity / self acceptance when the basis for this is formed during adolecense.

are most of you'll too hard on yourself..i've been told, i'm too hard on myself, dont crucify yourself, let it go...

yes, and I perceive it as I'm being told I'm not good enough and that I should settle for less. I understand the point they're trying to make, but I'm not sure that it's a helpful approach.

i dont see any challenges in others, i see that the only problem is with me

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I do this too!!