Psych Eval & Relapse *possible trigger* Today

I'm not much of an illegal drug person, but I went almost thirty days without smoking weed and somehow this time was different because I started feeling withdrawals from it. I felt my anxiety shot through the roof, my insomnia came back, my thoughts became all paranoid, and all this out of nowhere. So I smoked about three hours ago and I feel a little better, but not much.

I'm not sure if I was having high anxiety because of the psych eval I had with a state disability worker for my SSD & SSI case today. The session lasted thirty minutes and I had to recount stories of *TRIGGER WARNING* sex abuse as a child, my suicide attempt, mental hospital stays, cheating on my husband, and some other heavy stuff.

Worse part is I'll probably be denied. I've already been denied three times and one time it went to hearing in front of a judge and for some reason I couldn't tell the truth that time so I ended up sugar coating my life. I don't feel calm right now I feel emotionally beaten. I really wanted some wine, but I don't want to face the world again and see all the happy people who can cope with their problems.

Sounds like you had a lot of stress on you. Relapsing is completely understandable, and understand that it doesn't mean you failed. You did it once, you can do it again! I promise. That would be very taxing, have you done anything to try and let yourself take it easy? Please try to avoid drinking, or anything else that might make things worse for you.

aliveatnight wrote:Sounds like you had a lot of stress on you. Relapsing is completely understandable, and understand that it doesn't mean you failed. You did it once, you can do it again! I promise. That would be very taxing, have you done anything to try and let yourself take it easy? Please try to avoid drinking, or anything else that might make things worse for you.

I started taking pictures of my cat doing cute little things this evening. I haven't taken pictures of her in a long time and that calmed me. I'm also laying down and catching up on some TV shows.

It was stressful and hopefully with the evaluation behind me I can put my focus elsewhere for a good long time.

bcm wrote:I started taking pictures of my cat doing cute little things this evening. I haven't taken pictures of her in a long time and that calmed me. I'm also laying down and catching up on some TV shows.

It was stressful and hopefully with the evaluation behind me I can put my focus elsewhere for a good long time.

Those were really smart coping methods for you to use!

I'm glad that it's over, so being able to focus on good things will be healthy for you for sure. How are you doing today?

aliveatnight wrote:

bcm wrote:I started taking pictures of my cat doing cute little things this evening. I haven't taken pictures of her in a long time and that calmed me. I'm also laying down and catching up on some TV shows.

It was stressful and hopefully with the evaluation behind me I can put my focus elsewhere for a good long time.

Those were really smart coping methods for you to use!

I'm glad that it's over, so being able to focus on good things will be healthy for you for sure. How are you doing today?

I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe. My anxiety today is almost non-existent. I actually slept fine last night without waking up out of my sleep during the night. Thank you! I finally feel relaxed again.

bcm wrote:I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe. My anxiety today is almost non-existent. I actually slept fine last night without waking up out of my sleep during the night. Thank you! I finally feel relaxed again.

That is wonderful news! I'm so happy for you, and to be able to hear that You deserve a break after all of this. You did an amazing job, be proud of yourself

cheers!!! how about a glass of e-wine with me to celebrate!

aliveatnight wrote:

bcm wrote:I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and I can finally breathe. My anxiety today is almost non-existent. I actually slept fine last night without waking up out of my sleep during the night. Thank you! I finally feel relaxed again.

That is wonderful news! I'm so happy for you, and to be able to hear that You deserve a break after all of this. You did an amazing job, be proud of yourself

Awww, thanks again!

-- Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:34 pm --

wineaux wrote:cheers!!! how about a glass of e-wine with me to celebrate!

I'm e-chugging it right now.