Trying To Find People Who Understand

Hey, I was diagnosed with BPD at the start of this year.
Before my diagnosis i had quite a bad breakdown, and during this time i lost a lot of the few friends i had because of my emotions and behavior. Even now i struggle to maintain my remaining friendships with my best friend and my flatmate, as well as my relationship with my older sister.
I've tried to explain my mindset and feelings to them, but they dont really understand. I feel like i put way too much on them, without being able to give anything in return -talking to them doesn't give me help and support, it just leaves me feeling guilty that im dragging them down with me, its like im a burden they could do with out -and i seem to completely wreck any relationship or anything i come into contact with over time. I'm scared t mess up and lose the only people i have
I was hoping to find someone to talk to, that could understand my emotions, how my mind works and my warped view of things. I guess i just kind of want reassurance that im not alone..

No, you're not alone. I feel guilty and then remorseful all day long after to talking to family members. Actually my moods throughout the day swing left and right.

I've given up on trying to have friends. Everyone disappoints me in the end or I treat them like crap and they disappear. Like you I feel like I put way too much on others and set the bar so high no human could meet my 'standards.'

It's such an isolating thing.

Well, I can tell you that I don't feel guilty or remorseful really. I feel angry and frustrated that they don't understand. Maybe that makes me bad because I'm angry at THEM for not understanding me versus thinking oh hey, I'm bringing them down this isn't good. I think i don't feel that way because I know I'm not purposely trying to bring anyone down. But I DO bring them down.

I'm starting to get to the point where I feel like I cannot talk to MOST people about my issues. The only ones who I can truly understand are those with some kind of mental illness -whether its on here or a few friends off this site who can handle it. BUT if they DONT have a disorder, I can't talk to them. My mom is the only one without a mental illness who can handle it but the other day, she couldnt handle it.

I guess it makes sense though? How could they possibly understand when they dnt have a disorder? A friend of mine has major depressive disorder, not BPD and we are alike in many ways, its nice. However my other friend has depression and has a really hard time being understanding with me about most things. she gets a bit frustrated.

To wrap this up, if i talk to a person who doesn't have a disorder, i am trying to make it a goal to be aware of how long or how many times i bring up issues. I WANT to try to not stay on the topic because in the end, it'll only frustrate me when they don't get it.

Honestly, come on here if you want people to understand you more. You'll get some relief!

Thanks Yeah, its hard to get people to try and understand - usually they misunderstand and either take it too seriously or not seriously enough.

They just dont get it. They only person i know who has anything like what i have is my mother - who tries her hardest but she cannot handle anything, and usually goes off on weird tangents. She hasnt been officially diagnosed with anything - but im pretty sure she has BPD aswel. Shes also an alcoholic with a marijuana addiction, so its not easy to get any kind of real comfort or support from her.

I had one of my bad days, and went over to see her for support. I had to explain my day while doing her 'spot' knives for her, then ended up listening to her very unhelpful ramblings that quickly turned into complaints about her own day. Its so Frustrating! I have no one i can talk to, or turn to.

-- Thu Aug 08, 2013 10:27 am --

Thanks Yeah, its hard to get people to try and understand - usually they misunderstand and either take it too seriously or not seriously enough.

They just dont get it. They only person i know who has anything like what i have is my mother - who tries her hardest but she cannot handle anything, and usually goes off on weird tangents. She hasnt been officially diagnosed with anything - but im pretty sure she has BPD aswel. Shes also an alcoholic with a marijuana addiction, so its not easy to get any kind of real comfort or support from her.

I had one of my bad days, and went over to see her for support. I had to explain my day while doing her 'spot' knives for her, then ended up listening to her very unhelpful ramblings that quickly turned into complaints about her own day. Its so Frustrating! I have no one i can talk to, or turn to.