in the mood to fight

fkshgskalgadshg. my boyfriend and i had a crappy day on my day off today. drove an hr and 15 mins to the beach and the convo wasn't going well so we left after like 2 hrs. it just ruined the whole damned day.

I'm angry, i just want to keep on arguing. i don't want to see his face but at the same time I'm so upset i just want to b*tch to him.

i don't know.

smart coping technique to come here and vent instead! good job!! what else do you do to take the focus off of those feelings? i throw myself into a video game (like candy crush...yes, i know...) or just feed my energy into these boards. anything to wrap my mind around someone else's anger/frustrations/sadness and help them to cope or just complete wasted energy like on a video game that requires concentration.

sorry the beach sucked...it's SUMMER!!

wineaux wrote:smart coping technique to come here and vent instead! good job!! what else do you do to take the focus off of those feelings? i throw myself into a video game (like candy crush...yes, i know...) or just feed my energy into these boards. anything to wrap my mind around someone else's anger/frustrations/sadness and help them to cope or just complete wasted energy like on a video game that requires concentration.

sorry the beach sucked...it's SUMMER!!

well thats the thing, i don't do much! i took two benzos to calm down earlier cause he's living in massachusetts with me and i told him to leave and he started packing his things. i had bad urges to cut or smoke cigarettes or drink. so instead i just screamed and banged my fist on the floor and was shaking it sucked. it was like the only way to try and get myself to NOT cut. i guess me screaming like I'm getting murdered and tortured is what happens if i don't cut. ...gotta let it out somehow? but yeah so i can't drive or anything. maybe i should play a video game? i don't play them much and i would be around him because we would be in the same room but I've been wanting to play and I've been able to play video games with him right by my side and stay silent.

I just don't understand why we are dating. i feel like he doesn't really want to be with me. like he can't accept my good and bad my ups and downs. he's tired of it all. so its really hurting me.

have the benzos kicked in yet?

i did this meditation type thing called transformational breathing, and during the class you lay on your back and pound your fists on the ground and stomp your bent feet and yell it out! it's very awkward because you're doing it in front of EVERYONE but they make you do it. your eyes are closed because it's so intense, but it gets to a point where you start releasing things you didn't know were there. tears started coming out from my shut eyes and my fingers wouldn't release from a fist! it was incredibly cathartic. you might want to try it? very similar to TRE (trauma release exercises). you can ask googles.

check out a game or 2? ones that are simple and don't require too much thought. things that are cute and non-triggering. that's why i like candy crush! (please don't laugh )

and does your boyfriend ever tell you such things? that he's tired of it?

wineaux wrote:have the benzos kicked in yet?

i did this meditation type thing called transformational breathing, and during the class you lay on your back and pound your fists on the ground and stomp your bent feet and yell it out! it's very awkward because you're doing it in front of EVERYONE but they make you do it. your eyes are closed because it's so intense, but it gets to a point where you start releasing things you didn't know were there. tears started coming out from my shut eyes and my fingers wouldn't release from a fist! it was incredibly cathartic. you might want to try it? very similar to TRE (trauma release exercises). you can ask googles.

check out a game or 2? ones that are simple and don't require too much thought. things that are cute and non-triggering. that's why i like candy crush! (please don't laugh )

and does your boyfriend ever tell you such things? that he's tired of it?

I took the benzos hours ago and i was starting to fall asleep before and then i woke up. I'm a little drowsy but irritated. not enough to yell scream and swear but enough to b*tch at him. i guess I'm feeling hurt so thats why i want to continue it. transformational breathing sounds interesting. ill try it out sometime. what i did earlier today felt like that. i was on the floor kneeling down banging my fists into the floor and screaming and crying. it was draining. my eyes got really big and puffy i think they still are. it made me very weak.

Oooh i won't laugh at you for playing candy crush! never had the desire to play it but i know lots of friends are addicted to it. i also don't own an iPhone or iPad so i don't have apps to download and play forever. i have a straight talk phone from walmart which doesn't do much at all!

I was gonna play zelda since id been meaning to but its ocarina of time and that game IS challenging for me! it might frustrate me. other than that... my other option i guess would be to nap ?

you can play candy crush on fb! just sayin'...zelda sounds like lots of effort mentally for the current moment.

i heart naps...just sayin'

do you think you want to fight because it might show he cares? is he the type to just go silent? i thrive in chaos. i have issues with passive people that can't assert themselves and express their feelings. sometimes it manifests into anger, but at least they're FEELING, right?

wineaux wrote:you can play candy crush on fb! just sayin'...zelda sounds like lots of effort mentally for the current moment.

i heart naps...just sayin'

do you think you want to fight because it might show he cares? is he the type to just go silent? i thrive in chaos. i have issues with passive people that can't assert themselves and express their feelings. sometimes it manifests into anger, but at least they're FEELING, right?

YES I AGREE! i can't stand people that just go silent and have nothing to say when i have all these feelings and thoughts. yes he goes silent. he doesn't express his feelings because honestly i don't think he has much to say anymore on the matter. he thinks we've already talked about this plenty of times before.

also, most men (nons) don't like to beat the 'proverbial dead horse' so if they've had the argument once, they're less likely to revisit it. it's wasted energy to them. bleh.

wineaux wrote:also, most men (nons) don't like to beat the 'proverbial dead horse' so if they've had the argument once, they're less likely to revisit it. it's wasted energy to them. bleh.

ugh i am getting more angry. i want to cut!

-- Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:45 pm --

wineaux wrote:also, most men (nons) don't like to beat the 'proverbial dead horse' so if they've had the argument once, they're less likely to revisit it. it's wasted energy to them. bleh.

i feel like crap i feel like he doesn't care anymore i don't know why we keep doing this to each other. part of me wants to keep him and the other part wants me to let him go.

every week at least once a week and usually its my day off we waste a day cause we are upset with each other.

-- Wed Jul 31, 2013 11:48 pm --

wineaux wrote:smart coping technique to come here and vent instead! good job!! what else do you do to take the focus off of those feelings? i throw myself into a video game (like candy crush...yes, i know...) or just feed my energy into these boards. anything to wrap my mind around someone else's anger/frustrations/sadness and help them to cope or just complete wasted energy like on a video game that requires concentration.

sorry the beach sucked...it's SUMMER!!

now I'm friggen crying. i need someone here. like right now!!!!!!!!! I have like NO friends around here plus I'm not gona go drive. these stupid urges are getting worse. i just feel like a worthless piece of junk.

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