The end of my most stable relationship *triggerrr*

Hi guys. Just broke up with my bf after 3 years nearly to the day. He's been in a depression for the last year but most noticeably in the last 3 months. He says he loves me but craves solitude. Says he needs his own space and that is the only comforting thought he has. Says he always cherished his solotude even as a kid. i asked if i was too much to handle and he says that im the most sane partner hes ever had. that says alot. So I guess I'm obliged to not lose my sh#% BPD style. I don't know anything right now. All I know is that I can't explode, and I'm scared to implode, I also suffer mdd and I'm really afraid of the MDD Boogy monster. I'm stuck in a really uncomfortable place. It's been a crappy road this last 12 months. He's been off intimacy, suffers insomnia, irritablity the works. He's fighting with that monster I mentioned. He refuses medication which is admirable from my vantage point. He says its unfair on me to keep going the way we have been, in the depression vacuum. Also my 14 year old dog is nearing the end of her life. So I'm also anticipating a sense of loss when that happens. And I can't expect my guy to stick around just so I don't lose my sh%# when the dog dies. It's all bleh.i love him a lot but I guess when u love em u gotta let em go. Ha! It's only been 3 hours since our discussion, and already the grief seems to be edging closer and closer. All I feel is that red hot blood feeling without the motivation to smash stuff. Frozen rage.sense of loss. I apologise profusely for the intensity of this post. But I had to get it out somehow. I've avoided mood stabilisers until now, what do guys think time for lith? (I was only officially diagnosed BPD very recently)

breakups are one of the worst things to have to happen to a pwbpd. it's what we fear the most: abandonment. everything you're feeling, allow it! let it all flow through you! don't try and turn anything away or it will manifest into something else later. if you want to have a bpdfreakout? have it with your treasured pet or bestie...not your ex.

maybe he just needs a few days? a month? maybe it's not over? sometimes what we think we need is not really what we want.

btw, do you think if you were able to find some positive coping mechanisms that you may not need the meds? lithium isn't something to be taken for a short period of time to get you over something...you might want to think of lamictal/lamotrigine instead if you really want a med? what are you doing currently to help soothe your pain?

my heart goes out to you...i'll be watching out for you here. please come to vent anytime! the light is always on