Medication Issues

Medication has been the bane of my existence. Ive been on it and off it for 7 years now. I don't like being on it because I don't like the idea that i need it and that i ultimately don't know what its doing ot my body. this is the same reason i became a vegan.

so this past december i started taking wellbutrin 150 xl and topamax 25mg. i was bumped up to 100mg on the topamax which i didn't mind, a month later. everytually i had to stop the wellbutrin because it gave me anger issues. tried prozac but that screwed my memory, so stopped that and stood with the topamax. and then for a while i did nothing.

stupid me about three weeks ago thought i didn't need meds and stopped taking them. and slowly i deteriorated. i don't even know how to describe it. it was gradual. but there is a difference in my attitude and i don't like it. its like i just don't care any more. and i was craving bread like no ones business those three weeeks i was of meds.

i don't like admitting that i need meds. but i do. and now that i'm back on them, its hard adjusting again. them make me quite tired at first. and for some reason i always get a sore throat and i don't know why. i don't enjoy the slowness, but it does help me focus.

i worry about when i want to plan for a family because im well aware that topamax causing cleft pallets in babies and i just wonder what the heck am i going to do when i decide to get pregnant. and i wonder if i can just take vitamins in stead to help my situation???? i'm desperate.i really am i don't want to take this medication but i know i need something.

any advice would be so greatly appreciated
thank you so much.

thank your input.
i do need to find time for me, to be productive. my bf told me i have a list of excuses. and i worry he's right. i know its not safe to just stop taking these medications but perhaps if i start getting into good habits not, it won't be so life altering when i wean myself off of them. I don't know. I feel like i'm having a crazy moment right now and i just wish i could forget about the world and everyone in it, not think about my problems and just chill.

i was wondering last night if i could have a vitamin B deficiency because i'm a vegan.... and the B vitamins do attribute to depression if there is not enough in your system. thoughts?

Hey I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but vitamins are not going to be an adequate replacement afaik. You should go with whatever your doctor prescribes, and you should make sure you are taking it. You need regular meetings with the doctor where you primarily discuss the medication if you are having any issues at all and they can raise the dose, lower the dose or change it. But the long term aim is to find something that you can cope with.

While it's easy to think "I'm OK now so i don't need this" and I've done it several times myself, stopping taking it usually results in a set back of some kind. As for when it's time to come off, this again should be down to your doctor. I've actually been told "if it's working, we'll keep you on it and I see no reason for you ever to come off it" which was a horrible thing to hear at the time because I always believed coming off the medication was the overall "goal" and would signify me being "better".

Now some time has passed since I was told that, I look at it in a much better light. My father needs to take heart medication for the rest of his life. My mother needs to take asthma medication for the rest of her life. So I just think of it like that. As long as the medication helps and doesn't interfere with your life so much then just try to see it as a good thing.

Regarding side effects, mine has some awkward ones for me to work around in later life too, but there are workarounds. They can prescribe you something else if you explain the pregnancy concerns, or maybe regulate you better while you are not on it. Either way medication you really need advice from a proper doctor and you need to be completely open and honest with them to get the right prescription. Just my view