I'm finally accepting that I think I have this

Hello, everyone. I'm finally coming to terms with this. It's painful and I still don't want to accept that I probably have this. I was adopted and taken away from my bio mom and sister at age 3 and put in foster care. My sisters and I were separated. I was put in an adoptive family and my adoptive mother abused me. My adoptive parents divorced and both remarried. My adoptive mom treats me like I'm a burden. I live 7 hours away from her now, but when I visit for family stuff, she acts like she can't stand the sight of me. She's really adamant about having a close relationship with my stepsister, her husband's daughter.

I also suffer from BDD.. and I feel hideous and ugly whenever I'm in the presence of most people.

I don't really share my emotions with others and I feel like nobody else gets me. My thoughts and feelings are so intense at times. The world feels like such a painful place most days, so I isolate myself.

I don't have many friends.. again, I isolate myself. I had a good friend that I lost... and that friendship fell apart like everything else seems to, but it was mostly my own fault.

I just get so lonely at times. And it feels so intense and tonight is one of those nights.

I was a adopted, and I've felt "different", or "ugly", or "mutantesque" compared to all my family which look like each other. My mother is incapable of being a "mother" so to speak.

What makes you so sure you aren't a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberchondria ?

I'm insensitive, yup... how do you know you aren't lonely? Nothing wrong with that, but maybe jumping to conclusions without a professional diagnosis, is jumping the gun.

I just get so lonely at times. And it feels so intense and tonight is one of those nights.

If you aren't swigging back a litre bottle of 80 proof, or losing your mind in narcotics, then hey, bonus, and maybe a professional diagnosis is the last thing you want? You know... seeing that some of the medications out there, well... you get the picture... right?

I get what you're saying. I'd love to think I don't have BPD. I went to a psychologist who said I have traits of it. Then another was diagnosed me with it, but I think she was BPD herself. She was like an intern and on her way to becoming a psychologist. The way she "diagnosed" me was so hostile, mean and unprofessional. She was a grad student at a prestigious university and when I argued with her and said I don't think I have it, she said she consulted with her supervising professor(s) and they said that I have it... but how can they diagnose me without actually SITTING DOWN with me?
Ugh.

I have 5 of the traits for it, I know that for sure.

I'm not a cyberchondria or whatever it is that you posted... because I'm stubborn and want to think that I DON'T have any disorder. Who wants to embrace a PD anyway?

Kala wrote:I have 5 of the traits for it, I know that for sure.

I'm not a cyberchondria or whatever it is that you posted... because I'm stubborn and want to think that I DON'T have any disorder. Who wants to embrace a PD anyway?

Well, the last thread I tried to explain what the criteria was, I got flamed for stigmatizing...

So... tbh... this corner of the web seems to be highly sensitive, meaning highly functioning brains, like super sensitive, able to sense what most brush off as insignificant smells of flowers, which they never stop to smell, sort of thing. And that sensitivity drives them to the brink of insanity. I am no psychologist or doctor. Lithium as a prescription, which is basically a lobotomizing neuroleptic seems to be a good indication that the "mania" gets to be dangerous in a worst case scenario. I've heard bi-polars get that stuff as well, so, who knows for sure... I am uncertain...

I'm not a cyberchondria or whatever it is that you posted... because I'm stubborn and want to think that I DON'T have any disorder. Who wants to embrace a PD anyway?

Yeah, I've always sort of known my "symptoms" however to allow a group of clinical observers, with no first hand experiences with the "dis orders" control over my life and it's direction, has always been a last resort rather than a welcoming embrace. So... I'm trying to do you a favor, by not sympathizing with you. Hey, maybe my life would be better on a nice regime of SSRI's, you never know, I guess, right?

To be quite honest, I'm not sure what your motive or goal is in these messages. I'm not sure what the point is.. I'm against medication for myself personally. And quite frankly, your train of thought is hard to follow. And I don't like you quoting everything I wrote and reposting it. It feels like an invasion of privacy or mockery. If I ever wanted to delete something, now I can't because you quoted it. So thanks for that.

Also, I don't even know why you're bringing up mania. That is experienced in bipolar and borderline is NOT the same as bipolar. There are big differences. The lithium suggestion is so random and way out in left field.. a "lobotomizing" drug.. yeah, okay. Why would you even suggest/bring something like that up? Seriously, you seem like a troll.

Wow... so maybe you're schizophrenic, in the kaleidoscope sense? I'm neither mocking you, oh, unless you are on prescriptions... which hey, who has a perfect brain?

Anyways... my motive is to avoid the bottomless pit of sympathizing which seems to be the self inflicted solution to perpetuate the victim game. Nothing wrong with being a victim, however since you skipped over the unique strengths possibility, there is indeed no invasion of privacy, this is simply pure cognitive deciphering.

I went back and quoted less, I won't quote off you in the future if I remember... I get like that too, when someone ninja fires into the forum, and selects my entire post, only to reply with one or two words, or no words at all, sometimes... I hate that, wasn't my intent...

SEE WHAT I NEED TO QUOTE HERE TO MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE?

Well... what other possible solution for this personality disorder is there? I mean the majority of talk on the forums, has absolutely nothing to do with cured people rejoicing, or new advancements which people are doing to fix themselves, ect... it's a far cry from self help...

To be quite honest, I'm not sure what your motive or goal is in these messages.

Ah!... you have no idea when someone is trying to be nice...

but how can they diagnose me without actually SITTING DOWN with me?

Because they are clinical observers. Technically being bed ridden is dysfunctional, and whatever is happening on the inside of your mind is too complex to decipher, know, or categorize, for lacks of better terms. So they take all the super ficial signs, like being bed ridden, and go with that, to come up with a cure... to get you out the doors, fixed, and back into society, for lacks of better terms...

I've had the same happen... 15 minutes and then a prescription for pills... that's the way it goes...

MrOmega wrote:Wow... so maybe you're schizophrenic, in the kaleidoscope sense? I'm neither mocking you, oh, unless you are on prescriptions... which hey, who has a perfect brain?

Anyways... my motive is to avoid the bottomless pit of sympathizing which seems to be the self inflicted solution to perpetuate the victim game. Nothing wrong with being a victim, however since you skipped over the unique strengths possibility, there is indeed no invasion of privacy, this is simply pure cognitive deciphering.

I went back and quoted less, I won't quote off you in the future if I remember... I get like that too, when someone ninja fires into the forum, and selects my entire post, only to reply with one or two words, or no words at all, sometimes... I hate that, wasn't my intent...

SEE WHAT I NEED TO QUOTE HERE TO MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE?

Well... what other possible solution for this personality disorder is there? I mean the majority of talk on the forums, has absolutely nothing to do with cured people rejoicing, or new advancements which people are doing to fix themselves, ect... it's a far cry from self help...

To be quite honest, I'm not sure what your motive or goal is in these messages.

Ah!... you have no idea when someone is trying to be nice...

Not having a soul is not a solution that works for everyone.

OP thanks for attacking me, now I've got the bleeding hearts all over me with bullsh!t I want nothing to do with...

Thanks OP!

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Kala, please just ignore the troll. He did the same on my post from the other day. The mods will deal with him. There's SO many good people here. Please don't get the wrong idea about this place. I'm sorry you're having a hard time dealing with things. I can relate. BPD is a very up and down type of disorder. If you need a friend to talk to or don't feel comfortable posting on the forum for the time being, please PM and we can chat! I hope things start improving for you very soon! Xx