Feeling very unlikeable

Just noticed today how frequently I sound angry or annoyed, and how much of the time I actually feel that way. It's alot of the time. The feedback loop between myself and myself is very negative -I keep telling myself to moderate my tone, not to take things so seriously, relax, etc. but can't seem to do it, so I get into a spiral where I don't like myself and don't see how anyone else could either. I don't want to be a pain to myself and everyone else, but this is all I've got right now.

I'm nice to the little kids I teach and people at work, but kinda kick my husband's ass quite a bit. Some things he does are genuinely annoying, but he's just a person trying to do his best and doesn't deserve to be dealt with harshly all the time. I'm hard to live with right now; trying to get into therapy, but neither of the two programs I've contacted are calling me back.

Today was actually a more neutral day than I've had since I hung out with my ex. I still go through periods of hating everything, but don't have such a profound sense of futility. I'm still feeling poundy and smashy, but I've already messed up the mouse by smashing it on the computer desk, and I like posting here - if the mouse gets more messed up I won't be able to do that, so I'll hold off on the smashing for now. If I keep feeling this way, I'll life some weights. Coping for now.

littlerbear wrote:Just noticed today how frequently I sound angry or annoyed, and how much of the time I actually feel that way. It's alot of the time. The feedback loop between myself and myself is very negative -I keep telling myself to moderate my tone, not to take things so seriously, relax, etc. but can't seem to do it, so I get into a spiral where I don't like myself and don't see how anyone else could either. I don't want to be a pain to myself and everyone else, but this is all I've got right now.

I understand, I really do. Don't worry, you can let it all out here.

littlerbear wrote:I'm nice to the little kids I teach and people at work, but kinda kick my husband's ass quite a bit. Some things he does are genuinely annoying, but he's just a person trying to do his best and doesn't deserve to be dealt with harshly all the time. I'm hard to live with right now; trying to get into therapy, but neither of the two programs I've contacted are calling me back.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time right now. I really hope you get contacted soon, and I do hope that it helps you with everything you need.

littlerbear wrote:Today was actually a more neutral day than I've had since I hung out with my ex. I still go through periods of hating everything, but don't have such a profound sense of futility. I'm still feeling poundy and smashy, but I've already messed up the mouse by smashing it on the computer desk, and I like posting here - if the mouse gets more messed up I won't be able to do that, so I'll hold off on the smashing for now. If I keep feeling this way, I'll life some weights. Coping for now.

I'm glad to hear that today wasn't so bad! That's good news! Hey, that reasoning for not smashing the mouse is a good one! And life all the weights you need to let it out. be proud that you're coping as best you can

I've had phases in life when i felt like worthless and then i liked myself, then again worthless. like it oscillates between self hatred and god like feeling.

i've realized that it's ok to hate myself. i just had to identify the reason of hatred and work against it.

i hate myself cause i'm thin and physically weak. i'm trying to build up. i know that i'll never be content and continue hating and then it'll oscillate to pride and so forth.

i take myself seriously, write down my thoughts and read them, to make sure i dont make any impulsive decision. reading my own thoughts in a book again and again, helps me understand myself more clearly. it definitely helped with the impulse